A Home for Burnt Boys (*Currently writing*)

Chapter Seven - Suppression

Music blasts through my closed door. I groan grumpily and check the time, 1:19pm. I don't usually sleep after meds, but I must have been tired yesterday.

We didn't really do much, Danielo said he wanted to do the food shopping but he got side tracked and we all ended up binge watching some films, till past midnight, the twins chose most of them.

It's funny because the twins seem to always be in charge, even though they are the youngest, it's probably because they are so cute.

I know that Rafen is the oldest of us boys, then it's Magnus, Me, Lawrence, Garnet and then the twins. I remember Orion mentioning he was born a few hours before Oakley. Even though it is abundantly clear, that Oakley has his brother wrapped tightly around his tiny fingers. But it is also very clear that he would also do anything for Orion.

I dislike being younger than the other boys, it makes me feel really small sometimes. Lawrence is only younger than me by a few months though, but he is still taller than me. I hate that I'm so small for my age, I'm supposed to be around 5'9 but I only fall in at 5'6. 

Curse my small genes.

I do like that Lawrence is taller than me though. It makes my chest bubble when I have to tilt my head up to kiss him. I love his glasses and how they shift on his face slightly when he is confused, he's so cute.

They all are...

I shake my head. No actually I think that the twins, Garnet and Lawrence are cute. But the others are something different, like Magnus. I wouldn't describe him as cute, I'd say he was more... I bite my lip in thought. I think he is sexy.

Magnus likes to tease but is also tender. Rafen is rough and arrogant, but loving. Danielo is beautiful, it feels weird calling a man that, but it fits him perfectly. Then there's Viktor, he's dominating and seductive. I like how strict he is with everyone.

I shake my head dismissively as obscene thoughts fill my head. It's just because you haven't been around much positive masculinity.

I didn't really get out much in Marseille, I mostly just stayed in my room thinking of ways to end it all. The only time I would leave the house was to go to school.

I never liked school, it was just full of inconsiderate assholes who were constantly horny.

I haven't really had friends before, mostly because I was the music kid who spent his lunches in a room fiddling with a guitar. I had a few friends, I guess. But they were more of acquaintances, people who I'd sit by at lunch just to make the day easier/go by faster.

People knew I was gay. It's not like I came out or anything it was more of the fact I wasn't trying to hide it. Or probably because I would gawk at the boys in the changing room.

I wasn't bullied for being gay, or rather at all, but it did give people the incentive to stay away from me. I guess could have made friends but I was too busy wallowing in my hole of deep depression.

I'd always been home schooled by Luna before everything went down. I'd never stepped foot in a school before she'd died, not even maternelle. So it was a big shock to my body, having to go to a place full of unknown people.

Luna was the common denominator in my childhood, I spent every moment with her. We used to talk about boys, and we'd watch loads of musicals together. She knew I was gay before I did. And she was ok with it, it never crossed my mind that she wouldn't be. I know I'm really lucky because it could have gone any way.

I didn't see much of Martin, when I was a child. He was always at work. Even then I didn't understand why she was with my Papa.

I remember when I used to call him Papa. Although, I never really did feel with him, I always sensed there was something off with him.