Coming Clean

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next few months go by smoothly. Koz has done as I suggested and has been training to keep his urges in check. I go to the clubhouse and see him once a week to check on him and we usually have lunch together. We talk and he tells me how he's doing and what he's been up to without giving me more details than he's allowed with me not being a member or an Old Lady. But when I don't go check on him, we are on the phone every couple of days and text off and on, just checking in and getting to know each other. I walk into the clubhouse for my weekly visit and see Kelly sitting at the bar. Walking over I hug her. "Hey baby. What are you doing here?" she asks. "Doing my weekly check on Koz." I tell her. "Oh, uh. I don't know where he is." she tells me but something tells me that she knows. I have grown to like Koz, a lot but him still being under the six month mark, he doesn't need to be getting involved with anyone. "Oh. Well, have him call me okay. I haven't talked to him in a couple of days." I tell her. She nods. I stand to leave but before I can, I see him coming from the hallway with a sweetbutt and he's pulling his shirt on as she's rearranging her clothes. I turn to leave and can't get out of there fast enough.

I almost make it to my car before he catches up with me. "Randi!" he shouts. I keep walking like I don't hear him. I get my car door opened and go to get in when he grabs my arm. "Randi. What are you doing here?" he asked. "I, uh, haven't heard from you in a few days so thought I'd check in but looks like you are okay. I'll, uh, talk to you later. Just wanted to drop by in between appointments." I say before getting into my car. I back out of my spot and see him in my mirror, running his hands down his face. I didn't have any other appointments so I headed home to be alone. My phone starts going off the minute I walk in the door with texts from Koz.

K: Are you okay?

R: Yeah. I'm good. Talk soon.

K: Can I call you?

R: About to meet a client. I'll call later.

K: Yeah. Okay.

Calling my boss, telling her that I have a private treatment and will need a few days, I pack a bag and head back to the cabin. By the time I get there, my phone has ten missed calls from Uncle Lee, a dozen from Aunt Kelly and twice that from Kozik. I send Aunt Kelly a text.

R: Dealing with a private treatment. Will call when I can.

AK: Bull shit. I saw you when you left. Call me.

R: I'm okay. I'll call when I can.

AK: Love you. I'm here if you need me.

I look at the texts from Kozik.

K: Please call me.

K: I know you don't have any appointment. I called your office.

K: Please talk to me.

K: At least let me know you are okay.

K: Kelly said you are okay but please call me.

K: I don't want you hating me.

After reading those, I didn't bother reading the rest. Taking out my laptop, I decide to distract myself with work. I respond to my emails and type up my notes from other clients. I see my phone go off again and see a text from Happy. Why's he texting me?

H: I need you to call me. Now.

R: What's up?

H: Koz face down in a bottle of Jack.

Shit. I hit call and Happy answers. "Hey. How is he?" I asked. "He thinks you hate him and he's drowning himself in a bottle of Jack. He's so hung up on you. He can't handle you hating him." He says. "I don't hate him. Just made me realize I was getting too close when I saw him with that sweetbutt." I told him. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Yeah." I say. "Bull shit. You and him need to talk this shit out. You are into him. He's into you." Happy says. Sighing, I say "I'll be there shortly. Get some coffee in him so we can talk." I end the call and grab my purse and head out the door.

Thirty minutes later, I pull onto the SAMTAC lot and head inside. Seeing Kelly standing at the bar, she walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. "You okay?" she asked. "Yeah. He's just another client to check on, right?" I asked and she looks at me with a 'yeah right' look. Happy comes out and sees me and says "Come on." I follow him down the hall to the last room on the right and he opens the door. I see Koz sitting on the edge of the bed with a cup of coffee in his hand. "He's on his third cup. He's sobered up enough for you two to talk." he says before walking away. I walk in and close the door causing him to look up at me. As soon as he sees me, he jumps up and pulls me into a hug. "I'm so sorry." he whispers. Pulling back, I say "You have nothing to apologize for." He looks at me with a hurt look but takes my hand and pulls me to the bed to sit down. "I do. I don't even know why I hooked up with her. All I seem to think about is you. I can't get you out of my head." he tells me. "Koz, you're a single guy. You can hook up with anyone you want. You didn't do anything wrong." I tell him. "Then why did you look so hurt when you saw us?" he asked. "I don't know." I tell him. He doesn't say anything for a minute. Then he reaches into the inside pocket of his kutte and pulls something out. I see him holding it tight in his hand before taking my hand and placing the object in it. Opening my hand, I see his six month coin. "Koz. This is amazing. I'm proud of you." I tell him but don't look away from the coin. "You're the reason I made it. I kept telling myself that once I got that coin, you'd let me take you out. That kept me motivated. I can't lose you Randi." he tells me. "Koz. I'm your sponsor. I'll be here when you need me. That how this works." I explain. "I don't want you as my sponsor anymore." he tells me and I nod. Handing him his coin, I go to leave and he grabs my hand. "I don't want you as my sponsor because I want you as my girl." he says softly.

I sat back down on the bed and don't say anything. "I know I messed up. Randi, I think about you all the time. You're the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. I don't even think about using anymore. All I think about is you." he tells me. I stand back up, not knowing what to say. Rubbing my hands down my face, I look at him and say "I don't know where we go from here." He stands up and walks over to me. Cupping my face with his hands, he asks "Give me a chance." Closing my eyes, I say "Okay." He kisses me softly on the lips before placing his forehead to mine.