From The Dust: A TBNRduty Fanfiction

Preston's POV

My life is worthless.

I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't do anything. All I have is this emptiness inside me. I stopped going to church.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

Rob tried to visit me. I slammed the door in his face. I can't accept the fact that he's gone. The one true joy in my life is gone forever.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

It's my fault he died. I didn't watch him well enough. I should have protected him.

My thoughts swirl around in my head, bringing burning tears to my face. The tears cascade down my cheeks and within seconds I'm weeping. I curl up in the small bed of my apartment.

Sleep isn't easy but I find it.

I awake in a dream. Once more I am in the cave. I see a small candle on the ground. Then a dark figure appears. He leans toward the candle and I see his face. Lachlan. A tear falls from his face and lands on the candle. It goes out. All of a sudden, this excruciating pain fills my body. I try to scream out but no one can hear me. I slap my leg and my eyes shoot open.

I take a breath.

I can't do this anymore.

I get up and search my desk in the dim night light and find my keys. I still have a suit laying on the floor among the empty bottles. I put it on after showering. I get in my car and drive for a long time.

I can't live like this anymore.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I pull over and get out of the car. I lock it and begin walking. I come to a bridge after about a mile. I take a deep breath in and look over the side.

Perfect.

I pull myself up onto the bridge and look around. The sun is rising now and the sight is breathtaking. I wish Lachlan were here to see this.

Lachlan.

A pang of guilt and mourning shakes through me.

It's all my fault.

I shimmy closer to the ledge. Am I really about to do this?

I look up at the sky.

"I still love you." I whisper, only praying Lachlan hears me in heaven.

I move my feet and allow my body to let go. I fall forward, as I have so many times in the dreams.

But this time, I won't wake up.