THOUGHTS IN MY MIND!

A VENT

So, first I want to say that you are amazing people and I love you. I feel I am annoying to a few of you, that I lost the trust of a few of you, that I make a few of you sad, or unhappy.
I haven't had online friends in a long time and well you guys make me happy but there are these times when I worry to much. AND YES I WORRY ABOUT WHOEVER I BECOME FRIENDS WITH ALL THE TIME!! I have to many worries about everyone.
Now I try my hardest not to pass any lines with people on here. I say "You don't have to tell me" and I mean that but sometimes I just wish some of you would. I get you don't want to tell me or get me involved with your life and I'm just a stranger online. I am just a stranger online but I'm gonna tell you this.
I know how you feel online when you're depressed you can get addicted to the internet very addicted. It becomes an escape and you think it's healthy. It is sometimes, but you know it's stupid! It's stupid to be connected to the internet like that! I spent almost a year and a half with out internet. And I left without warning.
You see I was once depressed and fake happy, I was always annoying fake happy, always talking to keep my mind off the fact that my world was falling apart. My grandma had breast cancer for 8 years and I remember nights in a hospital, and I was just not let the realization in that she was dying, and finally when I did it was too late.
I HAVE tried to kill myself, I took a ton of medicine over dosed and luckily all it did was make me sick and my parents never found out.
THEN I got sent to a metal hospital for six months. If I tell you I understand something it's probably because I've met people who fake hurting themselves, who want attention because they're lonely. I met people who were sending nude pictures as a miner and the picture got all over school and she was considered a "slut" or a "whore" so I get that.
YOU KNOW there was a 8 year old, A 8 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL, cutting and starving herself. I met foster kid who had no family and lived in a place of yelling, fighting, suicide attempts and depressed people for years like 4 years! Of that shit! I met another little girl who, well... she was 10... and she knew way too much for her age... because he farther... well he hurt her in a sexual manner... she was ten and it happened when she was a lot younger and she got put into foster care. SHE WAS THE SWEETEST LITTLE GIRL! And I miss her.
I met one girl who was ^w^ SHE WAS SO AMAZINGLY WEIRD!! Her name NO LIE was Yoshi-Co and she was 100% American, and she did the best Yoshi and Pikachu sounds and she was a little to weird. I think she just liked to stay in her own world to block out the bad things of life.
I also met a girl Named Jaden.. and I miss her so much...
Last is the drama in that place. IF YOU THINK HIGHSCHOOL HAS DRAMA TRY BEING A PLACE FULL OF GIRLS WITH ANGER ISSUES, DEPRESSION, AND A LOT OF PROBLEMS!! Oh god I can't even start!
There was screaming and yelling and fights almost every other night for 6 months, and there were girls who were lesbian or bi trying to hock up with girls in the place. Thy say when you go into that place "No one's Your Friend." But it was a lie to say about me I was probably the most trustworthy person there with the girls, I kept my roommates secrets. I helped them get out of trouble, but that was only during the early months and late weeks of being there. IN BETWEEN!! OH NO!! I HATED MY SECOND ROOMMATE, well maybe hate is to strong, I highly disliked her. She was 11 RUDE!! Annoying got mad almost the whole time.
Now, I gotta adamant, that place was the first time I hit a little girl out of anger, and felt so horrible. Then one day the lights were out when I got back from a parent visit and people were being mean to Yoshi and she was like my best friend there and I hit the girl and another girl probably the strongest girl, besides the woman who worked there, the strongest girl on our hall, there were five hall and mine was the second to calmest one.
Now let me talk about the ladies that work there. They had three shifts, morning, afternoon and night. The night ladies were so sweet but hell oh HELL the morning shift had these two women that I hated and eventually I started to like them the tiniest bit but then the last night I was there before my discharge one of them said. "You'll be back here you didn't learn a thing." I fucking hate her.
Now there were three women I loved and the were amazing, unless you truly pissed them off.
During a fight or a girl freak out for no reason the women had to pin the to the ground until they clam down and if they didn't they got something called a botty shot and it knocked them out and then the couldn't leave the hall for a month They were on unit restriction, UR.
Out of everything the worst part was the therapist I GOT BARLEY ANY HELP! I DIDNT HAVE A REAL THERAPIST! They all sucked.
Now, by the way I'm talking, you're probably thinking there are no boys in the place but there was AND THEY HAD NICER UNITS THEN THE GIRLS AND THEY WERE CALMER! And at the end of every month if you were good you could go to something called a Social And girls got to see guys but I honestly didn't care about it all I got to do was go outside.

SO yeah SIX OF ALL THIS REPEATING AND REPEATING!!
So yeah the place was HELL but it made me realize my life could be so much worse and also my writing skills became great!!

I only had shared this with one person and.... she was my best friend I thought but then I lost her so I just wanted to share this with y'all! I sound so country