A Place Just For Us (Rick Grimes)

Chapter Eight: Don't Assume You Know Everything

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❝ I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall ❞
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The following morning I caught myself keeping careful tabs on where Rick was. My eyes chased him from left to right. I watched him take over watch in the earlier hours, and I watched him have breakfast with his son. It was a shameful urge that sneaked upon me unpredictably. I had to pinch my own skin to get myself out of it. I was curious about him, but I never dared to think that would lead me to show this weak side of myself.

I knew the second would come when we would leave everyone behind. It would just be us, our differences, our tempers, and the pressure of to make this run count for something.

As I wasn't sure how to feel about this, I tried my best to portray myself as indifferent. Though, the truth was that I was angry, because I'd rather not do this with him. I was scared, because I didn't what to expect. I didn't know where this would lead. I was annoyed, because I couldn't seem to escape him, and frustrated, because I knew we had set ourselves up to clash again.

It surprised me when Carol picked up on it. She had noticed my hesitation, and given me a comforting look to tell me it would be okay. I knew I was being unfair, but I couldn't help it.

Meanwhile, Rick did not seem to be bothered by the same thoughts. He was loading up the trunk with bottles of water, food, weapons, anything that we might need. His face appeared blank, and I thought maybe I was the only one who noticed the empty look in his eyes. I wondered what that was about, but I would probably never know. Though, when he spoke to his friends he seemed warm, lovable, almost approachable. He was the kind of person who'd do absolutely anything for the people that he loved. He would do anything for his son. I supposed Carl was the only one who could get a laugh out of him as far as I'd seen.

So, I guess, he would even spend a day or two with me for these people. I decided not to question about him any more.

I gathered my stuff, got myself ready. I had a feeling we would be leaving after lunch. I didn't need much more communication than this, neither did I wish for it. His brief gazes told me more than I wanted to know every time. By now I had learned how to translate these signs.

"Will you be gone long?" It was Beth.

She stood beside me when I was studying one of the maps on the hood of the car. Her appearance made me smile. "No, no, I won't be gone long. I'll be back before you know it."

I knew I would be just fine, but something in her big, brown, and hopeful eyes told me my answer hadn't given her assurance. It made me wonder about the amount of trauma this group had endured, and it was unfair, because she was just a kid. The wondering that I did scared me, too. This, the attachment, this was what I was afraid of, because my scars had finally healed, and here I was setting myself up to get wounded again.

She hugged me, told me to look out for myself. I promised her that I would, and I went on to promise Carol and Maggie the same. It did feel good to know I would be missed.

My eyes flew to Rick in the distance, who messed up Carl's hair jokingly, but then swiftly and unexpectedly turned around. We locked eyes almost instantly, and it surprised me, sparks bursting in my chest and something held grip on my throat. I couldn't breathe for a moment when it looked like he was coming my way.

But, then, somebody else stood before me. I smiled briskly, looked at Shane with dissatisfaction, and I felt guilty about it. "Oh, hey. I thought you would be out hunting." I simply said.