A Place Just For Us (Rick Grimes)

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Epiphany

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❝ The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind ❞
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"Do you mind if I film our talk?"

Reverence is what she added under her words. The realisation came with a few minutes' delay but it filled me with instant distrust and wariness.

I stood there, gazing through the window. I could feel Deanna's eyes on me as she yearned for an answer that I was willing to give her. But I knew I wasn't going to give her more than that.

     "Why?" I asked.

     "We're about transparency here."

     Was this an order or consent to have me taped? Deep down I wondered what Rick would say, but in this moment of life I could care less. So I nodded, and seconds later I could hear the camera give us a bleep.

     The woman pointed at the chair that I was standing next to, suggesting I take a seat. How far was I going to let myself go in this aloof? I took a seat.

"Do you want to be here, Hayley?"

Did I want this, now that something such as safety was being offered? And was it in fact being offered? And if I wanted or didn't want it, how would I live out the day till midnight? I couldn't quite remember the last time I had waited so long for something like this.

But now that I was free to take that chance, to return to the basics of safety and normal life, I suddenly was afraid to take it. So why did I want to be here?

Deanna cleared her throat as she sat down, too. She moved onto the next question on her list. Even I figured I wasn't going to answer.

"How long have you been out there?"

I stared into nothingness. "Since the beginning."

"Did you know Rick before?"

That exact question left bells ringing in the back of my mind. For the very first time in this room I laid my eyes on her, somehow trying to peel the layers off of her secrets while mentally debating my answer.

I didn't know Rick before, but I easily could've. It was nothing that mattered to her either way.

"Haven't you asked him?" I was trying so hard to leave my face expressionless.

Deanna seemed to read me, though. Her kind smile didn't leave her lips once. "You're answering questions with questions now. I see."

Instantly, a wave of regret washed over me. How much of my energy did I want to spend on driving that away from me? How I hated waiting myself out and depending on the restless emotions within me.

I couldn't help but answer her after all. "I didn't know him before." I said.

She repositioned, crossing her leg over the other. I wasn't aware of the way I was trying to avoid her kind eyes until she caught mine. Her expression took a turn and it grew compassionate and remorseful.

"What about the others?" She asked.

My eyes landed on the camera behind her. Perhaps she was going to use this against me in any way, but then again what did a camera have on you in this world? My own thoughts made me slowly realise how naive I was being, because even if Deanna wasn't telling the truth, even if this was all a big lie, I was still going to finish this one way or another and come out alive.