A Place Just For Us (Rick Grimes)

Chapter Ten: Time Machine

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❝ Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby even when the
musics gone ❞
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I tried not to show my frustration. It was best to remain detached about what had happened, and not to dwell on it as I knew it'd be useless. I wouldn't let myself be pushed around by the fears in my mind, even if all I wanted to do was ask him why.

We had left the pharmacy behind. It looked like he had left his memory of that kiss there, too, because he showed no sign of regret, but neither delight. Knowing I would be the only one to carry this with me, I decided I didn't need to blame myself for not being able to let go right away. I couldn't let go, because this had taken a toll on me, whether it was good or bad. His words would echo through my mind over and over, and I could still feel his kiss sometimes. It riled up my anger, but also my weaknesses. I watched myself closely, careful not to drown in the memory of it, though I might already have.

We drove in silence. I placed my focus on finding what I was looking for. Meanwhile, I realised Rick had never been this quiet. I couldn't even hear him breathe.

"This is it." I said.

He slowly stopped the car in the middle of the road, and he looked outside. There was a police station hidden behind the trees, walkers surrounding it as if they owned the place now.

Looking at me, he frowned. "Are you crazy?"

"We can clear it out."

I had seen this place before, but my chances of surviving had been slim back then. Now, I had company, and enough ammo and experience to find exactly what we were looking for. So, I raised my brow at him, and when he didn't respond in any kind of way, I left the car without any hesitation.

My car door slammed shut, and seconds later so did his. He was right on my heels. I grabbed a rifle out of the trunk, and I could feel his presence hovering over me.

"No way." He said, and he stopped me by standing right in front of me, which annoyed me. I wanted to push him away, but didn't. "We should talk about this first. You can't just walk in and expect everything to work out in your damn favour."

My mind found it indecent to object. He didn't make any last effort to keep me here. I realised I had, in fact, been too impulsive, and I think he might have noticed that I agreed with the face that he had made a point. I looked back at him, waiting for him to speak. It was bizarre how we would look at one another with difficulty, but such tenderness at the same time that could just as easily dissolve into nothing other than bitterness.

"Well, go on." I said.

His blue eyes appeared glassy in the sun. I admired them, and it brought me intense, unexpected suffering. He caught me looking. "We need to have each other's back if we go in there." He said truthfully.

I erased my will to listen not much later. As I turned around, I wished I could rewrite my memories, because all I could feel when I looked at him was his kiss. I needed to focus, and work with him like any other person would. I knew bitterness could be corrosive. Though, as much as I wanted to take my time to process things, now was definitely not the right time. If I couldn't work with him now, I would end up screwing things up, and it would only make things worse. I wouldn't just let him down, I would let everyone down.