The Fall of Us

Chapter 1

4 weeks earlier...

Jesse
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Monday, September 17
7:06 am

"Jesse!" I hear my mom yell from the other room, waking me up immediately. Judging from the terror in her voice, Nathan is having another panic attack.
"Jesse!" My mother screams.
I leap out of bed and run down the hall to my little brother's room. I come to see Nathan in the middle of the room on his knees hyperventilating, and my mom holding him by her side. She looks up to see me, her eyes frantic, then says, "Hurry, you need to help him." Mom moves aside as I kneel in front of Nathan. He looks up at me with panic in his eyes.
"Hey Nate, what's wrong buddy?" I grab ahold of his shoulders, trying to get him to look at me. "Hey, just breathe, alright?" I command gently. He starts to tremble, trying to breathe in slow breaths in and out. I can see the desperate, panicked look in his eyes. He's worried about his sophomore year of high school. I would know, we just had a talk about it last night. I knew he was anxious about it, he just didn't want to admit it. Nathan has been bullied most of his life. Mostly because of how introvertive and cautious he was of everything. Me and mom hadn't found out about it, until one day the bullying went too far and we heard he was taken to the hospital. Nathan never told us who did it to him, so nobody was punished and he never talked about it again.
After the incident, my mom started homeschooling him ever since the seventh grade. This year he realized that I'll be graduating soon, and decided to spend as much time with his older brother as possible. He finally made up his mind to go to school with me 2 weeks after the year starts, but considering he's going at all is a miracle. He keeps thinking that I may be going away to college, but he's gotta get into his head that I'm not leaving. Not for a while.
     "There's nothing to worry about Nate. I'm here. I'm not leaving you Nate. Please believe me." I catch his eye, making the most sincere face I can muster. "You've gotta calm down or you're gonna pass out."
    He has his hand held up against his chest, as if he believed that his hand could stop his heart from racing. But he just can't seem to control it. I move to his side and pull him close to me.
  I begin to repeat, "It's going to be okay." Over and over for about 5 minutes until he starts to get control of himself.
    After a couple minutes, he seemed to relax more. My mom got him to drink some water and when his breathing started to steady, he looks over at me with guilt and embarrassment in his eyes and then lowers his head. He never wants me to see him like this.
    "I'm sorry." Nathan breathes out.
" Hey." I look at him seriously. "What did I tell you about apologizing?" I tease, and push him playfully in the shoulder.
    He chuckles and replies, "Only apologize if you've done something wrong." He mocks me.
  And he really hasn't done anything wrong, that's what I keep telling him, hoping that he believes it too. My father used to tell me that all the time before he left us. Nathan doesn't know that those were my father's words, but having him think that they came from me would be easier on him.
   Our father left when I was only ten years old and Nate was seven. That was eight years ago and my mom still won't tell us why. I just hope she doesn't blame herself.
    I just turned eighteen three days ago, and Nate turned fifteen in June. I've been applying to colleges, but I don't think I ever planned on leaving home. A community college close by would be good. I just can't imagine leaving his side.
    My mother sighs deeply behind me, and runs a hand through her short brown hair. "I'm not sure about this Nathan. Maybe you just shouldn't go this year." She shakes her head.
   She's had to have done it again.
    "No, mom please, I'm fine." He pleads. "Really I'm fine. I want to go to school with Jesse, I'll be good if he's there with me, I promise."
    She keeps shaking her head. She's trying to find an excuse to keep him home.
  "Mom." I say, pleading with my eyes, "I'll be there. Nothing will happen to him."

My mother looks between me and Nathan, worry evident in her eyes. Then she sighs defeatedly. "Fine. As long as your brother promises to keep an eye on you at all times." She gives me a warning glare.
    Nathan smiles widely, relieved and I grin. "I promise." I say.
  She closes her eyes and nods. I laugh and reach out pulling them both in for a hug. "Don't worry about it, we'll be fine. I'll make sure nothing goes wrong." I reassure her.
    My mom worries the day I graduate, I'll be gone and that she won't be able to handle Nathan on her own, knowing that only I'm able to calm him down. We never really knew why, but Mom has always triggered the situation. It may be because she panics along with him, which makes him panic even more, or that she's the one that makes him panic in the first place. She's just never had that calming aura about her.
That's why I have to stay. Or at least until I know that my mom will be able to take care of him the right way or when he's able to take care of himself.
  And  I  mean, of course I plan on getting my own place, and getting married someday but for the time being, I'm not going anywhere.

                   *    *    *

I approach my mom in the kitchen as she's pouring herself a cup of coffee.
I lean down and place my elbows on the island in front of me. "Mom?" I start. She turns around to face me and leans up against the counter. When she sees the look in my eyes, she already knows what I'm going to ask her. She averts her eyes down to her cup and just stares for a couple moments.
"I'm sorry." She says.
I groan loudly. She did it again. She triggered him intentionally. She cringes, looking even more ashamed of herself. "Why? Why do you keep doing this?" I grumble.
She meets my eyes as a tear travels down her cheek. "I- I don't know, I just-"
"You just what, Mom? You want him to feel like he's not normal? You keep trying to keep him trapped in this house, for what, Mom?" I raise my voice.
She shushes me, "Don't let him hear you. Please. I'm sorry, okay? I just have a hard time thinking of him going back to school, I hate the thought of him possibly going through it all over again." She cries.
I run my hands through my hair, and sigh in frustration. I take a deep breath and silently say, "Sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice, but he can't be locked up here forever."I look at her apologetically in the eyes. "And you know that."
She nods. "I know, it's just now that you're about to leave for college, I guess I just wanted one of my boys home with me, Jesse. And ever since your dad left-" She starts to cry harder.
I close my eyes. I hate to see her cry. I step  around the island and wrap my arms around her shoulders as she hugs me back. "It's going to be alright. Okay?"
    I feel her nod against my chest. "Okay." She sighs loudly. "Where would I be without my boys?" She whispers.

*    *    *

   After Nathan and I kiss Mom goodbye, we hop in my black Nissan Armada. In the beginning, I was trying to buy my mom this car, because she sold our only one to a stranger when we were way behind on bills. So when I saw the armada on sale, by the side of the road for $7,000, I decided to get a job at the automotive repair shop in the middle of town, where my dad used to work. I was fifteen years old at the time, and when Lloyd the owner who was a good friend of my dad's saw how desperate I was, he hired me immediately. So it was two years ago when I started working there, and my mom still doesn't know. But when I finally came up with the money and surprisingly the car was still on sale, it was too late, because my mom had already bought herself a car.
I kept the money for emergencies.  The price of the car went down to $2,000 because it was on sale for too long, and it was only a couple months after I got my driver's license, for when I bought it for myself. My mom still thinks they gave it away to me for free, because that's the lie I told her.
It usually takes five minutes to get to the high school so I try to get Nathan to talk to me as fast as I can before he puts on his tough act again.
      "Are you gonna be okay?" I ask at a stop light. I glance at him.
He keeps staring out the window while he mumbles, "I'll be fine."
    I tilt my head to try to get him to look at me, but he wouldn't budge.
"Okay, Nate. Whatever you say." I sigh then start to drive when the light turns green. The times where I pretend not to care is when he usually shares how he feels. So all I gotta do is wait.
1...2...
He starts to whisper, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." Then he scares the crap out of me.
  "Holy crap!" He yells, and I nearly swerve off the road at his outburst. "I can't believe this! I'm going back to school in my Sophomore year." He looks at me frantically while I'm grinning. "Freaking sophomore year, Jesse! What, you think this is funny? What kind of brother are you?"
    "Ok! ok , ok, calm down little bro." I laugh. "Everything's gonna be fine, alright?" I glance at him for a couple seconds then bring my eyes back to the road. "I'll be beside you the whole time...well not the whole time, 'cause you'll be in class and stuff but you know what I mean." I grin.
    I can feel him glaring at me without even looking at him. "Thanks for the pep talk, bro,  seriously, that lifted a huge weight off my chest." He says sarcastically.
    "Hey, come on." I say as I pull into the parking lot of Unionville High School. "Seriously, Nate, what could possibly go wrong on the first day? And besides, I've been here for a while and I have never even witnessed or heard of anybody getting picked on, alright?" I look at him, but all he's looking at is the school in front of him. He's mesmerized by the huge building in front of him. It really is huge though. 5 floors, parking lot that can fit like 500 cars and the school that's about as big as 3 regular schools combined. Including all the fields and outside buildings, the school property is about 1,000 feet wide and 1,500 feet long.
I pull into my usual parking spot, next to my girlfriend, Nikki's car. I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn to face him. "Nate..."
    He looks at me now.  His eyes glassy, "You won't leave me?" He whispers.
  Now I know he's not just talking about school. He's afraid people will walk out on him, just like my father. He blames himself for our dad leaving because of his anxiety and all of the consequences that came along with it. I keep telling him that it's not his fault, but he doesn't believe it.
"I'm not going anywhere." I answer.
"Promise?"
"Promise."