WOES OF ROSE

CHAPTER 1

"Honey... is that what you really want?" Nafisa aunt asked me for the billionth time. I don't know the answer. All I know is that I want to get away.

Away from haunting

Away from torture

Away from constant reminder of what I lost

Away from graves of my family

Away from...

Pakistan.

The place that I thought I loved but now nothing more than a torture cell. I need to get away. Otherwise the pain might make me go insane.

"Yes Khala. This is what I want. To be as far as I can from this place." I said biting my lips. The doubt in her eyes did not waver but she chose to stay silent. That is how everyone is being around me since the apocalypse that turned my life upside down has passed. It has been over but the effects are still there. My spirit and mind both are scarred. Will they heal? I don't know. They say time is the best medicine but it has not worked until now. Maybe some time when I am numb to this heart piercing feeling, I might also say the same.

Right now, the only thing time has taught me... is to stay quite and cover my silent screams and scars with silence. That is it. I do not say much or explain much. Try to conceal my broken heart and walk about day like my life is not shattered.

Khalu Khaleel appeared from the back of Khala Nafisa carrying my belongings called servants to carry my bags. While we waited, I stood silently my gaze fixed on the gray ground beneath my chappal, shifting my weight from one foot to another. A blurred image of the former owner of the slipper tries to appear but I push it back to where it was.

A silent dark corner of my heart where all my foes reside, where I have shifted all my once happy memories.

And I have decided to keep it that way.

Khaleel Khalu, clears his throat making attention shift to him only to realize that my cheeks are moist. Nafisa Khala drags me into her embrace. Her chest is warm and soft. I can hear her heart beating. The smell of her sweat enters my senses making my eyes go blurry. It was so familiar. It was laced with memories of certain someone that I can not allow myself to think about other wise living would become even more harder. But the memory gets better of me like always. I am left exhausted as images of me running back from school, huuging the person with the same smell. Her kind eyes. Her nose piercing. Her beautiful curly raven hair with occasional white resurface....

Mama...

It became hard for me to breath. My exhales came out as sobs. So hard, that my body shook with it.

"No jaan, no. Please don't cry. If you would cry I wouldn't be able to let you go, my heart. Please have some mercy on poor khala. She is also heartbroken. I have also lost something. Don't cry please." Khala Nafisa said, her words laced with love and kindness. I want to stop crying. I don't want to bawl infrony of so many people. But controlling and concealing is not working for some reason. The more I try to control the more hard the sob would come. Khaleel khalu patted my head as he saying "Let her cry Nafisa, maybe she will enter Canada more clear headed this way."

After crying till my eyes were dry, Khala Nafisa led me out of garage and into the car. The ride to the air port was the longest ride of my life. My brain was processing the views but the heart didn't actually care. All to soon the Jinnah Terminal comes in view.

Sigh

I am too tired to move. The garage cying has made me tired. I just want to sleep.

On my bed.

Which is now just ashes.

Much similar to my happiness and spirit.

I turn my luggage on wheels as I try to take it. A hand appears on the luggage. My eyes turned to those of owner. These are pair of two grayish eyes which belong to Khaleel Khalu. The kind and full of life. Just like my mothers. There is only difference of colour. Mama had pair of just like these, only in hazel color. I remember blaming her to be too selfish for not passing on the gene to me. She would just laugh. "Something are not in control of human, Fatima. Those decisions are made by nature. And it is better that way."

"Fatima?"

I am dragged back to reality again.

The truth hits me... again.

The pain is revived...

Again

"Yes" I reply trying to remember who was the person that spoke, ignoring the pangs of pain as sorrow stabs my already scarred heart.

"Khaleel just said that he has called the staff to carry the luggage. It is too heavy for you."

"It is not needed, Khala. I can do it on my own. I am not a flower." I reply as I try to carry bags from the trunk of the car only to fell at the ground bottom first.

"Ummm.. you might reconsider that, Rustom" Khala Replied laughing. Contagious as her laughs are, I too started to laugh on the ground. It is not my laugh. My laugh can shut out day lights from people's eyes. But it's a laugh. A real laugh. My first laugh since... the day my life fall apart. Nafisa khala's too. I look at her smiling as she helps me up. I pause taking in her beautifull smile as I embrace her gain..

"Thank Allah that I saw your smile before you left, jaan" Khala said into my hejab. I held her again taking in her smell only to remember it as long as I can. I felt happy and lightjearted. May be life might turn good again. I tell myself. The staff appeared behind Khalu. He talked to them for sometime before leading them to my luggage that was sitting at my feet.

"Beti, I do not want you to feel like we are shhoing you away but, you might want to consider that, that your flight leaves in 45 minutes. I looked at my watch 14 26. The departure time is 03 30.

Sugar honey iced tea.

I turned to rush but halted. I turn to see Khala all teary eyed. I give her shoulders a good squeeze turned to khalu who just gave me his signauture head pats. Life felt good. I felt euphoric with all the adrenaline pumping through my viens. Like my old rainbows and sunshine self. I rushed in checked in for the flight. In 45 minutes I was sitting in my allocated seat by the airline. The ticket was not economy I could tell as I entered the cabin khalu had booked. I knew all too well why he did this.

I sat in my seat unzipping my hand carry to see my copy of pride and prejudice looking at me with poker face, were my usual Wuthering Heights or Gone with The Wind would be. Austen's happy ending were never my cup of tea but seeing my condition lately, certain someone vanished all my tragic novels and even plays of Shakespeare.

I took it out as there was still time till take off and I had nothing else to kill time with.

The plane started to motion. At first it was not much different from the common car rides with... my loved ones. But as soon as it started to move upwards I felt all my lunch trying to get out of my body via my mouth. I pressed my fingers on my mouth to counter it. Me and my gastric track were literally fist to like a small piece of land. Just like Sarah used to tell me after her trip to USA. Sarah would say that... Sarah.

Keeping my lashes up seemed too cumbersome. My epyelids felt heavy. The whole situation seemed so surreal. My family dead, except for me. Me going to Canada , and most importantly.... Alone. A tiny amber of hope inside my desperate heart wanted it to be a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. Out of which I would wake up soon. My mind craved for the oblivion I provided with my sleep whenever the reality tried to make itself too vivid for it, as I closed my eyes and felt it coming.