The Flying Paladin (ITS THE SEQUEL)!!

12: The fuck? The fuck is this?

Coran

Earth is strange.

Veeeery strange.

I tugged my bright orange mustache and eyed the man in front of me suspiciously. "So you're telling me... that even though it says it is only ten dollars on the box... I have to pay an extra sixty cents?"

The man nodded. "That's how much the tax is here." he said.

"I do not understand," I sighed. "What is this tax? Is it a person. I think you ought to tell them that stealing isn't very nice."

The man stared at me in confusion. "I... what? No tax isn't a person--"

"Fantastic! I see no need to give you extra money then," I said. I thrust what Lance had told me was Earth's currency onto the counter and started to walk away.

"Hey wait!" the man called. "You have to pay the extra sixty cents!"

I waved him off, happily humming my favorite Altean lullaby under my breath. Humans were strange creatures. Why would they ask for more money than what's specified on the box? That doesn't make any sense. Wouldn't it make more sense to just add the added 'tax' onto the box's initial price number? Perhaps that was too complex for their simple minds.

I looked around in amazement as things that Lance called 'batmobiles' zoomed around me. It was truly fantastic. Humans were such basic creatures, their technology a mere toy compared to our superior tech, yet it amazed me they were able to do anything at all.

I walked back to the house that the team was living in. Allura looked up at me happily when I entered. "Hello Coran." she said.

"Good morning princess." I said, setting the bag of things on the counter. She looked at in wonder.

"What are those?" she asked.

"I went to the store and I bought us food," I said, smiling smugly at my actions. "All by myself."

Allura gasped. "Really? That's so cool! How did you know where to go?"

"I followed this!" I yelled, pulling out a small rectangular box. It had a screen that displayed the time. "I believe Lance called it a 'GPS'!"

Allura took the GPS from my hand and held it preciously. "This is amazing. How does it work? What does it do? What does GPS stand for?"

I hummed as I thought, tugging my mustache lightly. "I believe it stands for Go Push Stop."

"Really? What does that mean?" Allura asked.

"I do not know." I said. "But it's purpose it to direct me to where I want to go!"

"Human's strife for direction astounds me," Allura whispered. "If someone is unaware of where they are going, they simply ask this machine?"

"That is correct!" I nodded. Allura's eyes lit up.

"Take me to the nearest Balmera!" Allura yelled at the GPS. Nothing happened. She deflated a little and looked up at me in confusion. "I believe I have broken your Go Push Stop."

I hummed and looked at the small box in confusion. "Perhaps it is voice activated?" I offered. Allura smiled and nodded.

"Of course! It must only work when Lance talks into it!" Allura cried. "Did Lance input the coordinates to the store?"

"That he did, princess!"

"Of course!" Allura giggled. "We must ask Lance for help. Perhaps he'll then place our voices into the box so that we may use it for ourselves!"

"Marvelous idea!"

------------------------------------

"Wait, wait, wait. Can you run that by me again?"

"We thought we broke your Go Push Stop--"

"My what?"

"--but it wasn't broken. Merely voice activated!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"So we decided to ask Lance about it--"

"Lance? Lance gave you a voice activated thing? That's so expensive!"

"--but he said that we were 'wrong on every conceivable point'--"

"Wow Lance, 'conceivable'. That's a big boy word."

"Shut the fuck up, Keith."

"--so we decided to ask you two for help instead!"

"Wait... what's a Go Push Stop?"

Allura let out a loud sigh and the confused looks on Lance, Keith and Shiro's faces. They looked so confused. Hoping to help and sae Allura the drama of a meltdown, I stepped in.

"What Allura and I are talking about is this machine!" I whipped out the GPS with a wide smile. "The Go Push Stop otherwise known as... the GPS!"

Keith stared at the small device in my hand for a sold second before he and his husband burst out in laughter. Lance was sitting there trying hard to fight a smile, but in the end he couldn't contain it.

"Coran I-... that's a GPS!" Keith laughed.

"Yes, I am aware of what it is." I said. "That is why we are here. We would like your assistance in using it. We want to find the nearest Balmera here using your own Earth tech."

"Coran, a GPS stands for Global Positioning System. It helps you navigate roads on Earth. It doesn't do anything but that. It won't show you anything that's not on the Earth's surface." Lance said, wiping away a fake tear. I frowned in confusion.

"And it isn't voice activated. You have to input the destination." Shiro added.

"Wow..." Allura said softly, her face devoid of any emotion. "That's disappointing. I had hoped humans weren't so...archaic."

"Well we can't all have magic and teleportation." Lance replied snarkily. "Look, if you need help with the GPS, Kashi can do it. I'm going to go check on the kids."

And with that, he left, leaving Allura and I alone with Shiro and Keith. I grinned and scooted closer towards Number One.

"So? The Go Push Stop?" I asked again. "How does it work?"

Shiro groaned. "Lord give me strength."