Divulging Remorse ✔

Chapter 40

Time slowed once more, as if Riya's brain needed a "photograph," a keepsake to give her strength in the rough times to come. Then, after time unmeasurable, a bird sang, bringing her back into the moment, as if this feathered friend was the clock, the only time-keeper that mattered. The musical birdsong was a balm to her mind, a seed of nature's peace given so freely.

There was such sadness in leaving a place of strong love or hate, as far as she now held a mixture of essence of that city where fond, also some ugly memories, grew as fast as the clover in the grass. But it seemed that only the bitter ones had deeply rooted within her, never wanting to leave her existence; like a shadow. She knew she would savour each memory so strongly that it would almost live once more. She didn't want to leave, but it was time she did something at her own will for once...

As the plane lifted its claws, ascending higher into the altitude of strong winds and never-ending dark horizons, her heart felt like it would explode, with a huge lump of fear tarnishing the insides of her stomach. She was scared to go somewhere far away, to a foreign land where she knew no one, but it was like a last resort for her. She wanted to be unknown, stay a nobody for the rest of her life. That was one strong decision she had been able to sustain at, otherwise, the heart and mind were at war like it had always been. Nevertheless, you could say, she had become a rock now, adamant and firm. Unable to tether away by any blow, not even her own shattered soul or flustered heart. 

She sat in her seat, unaffected by the trail of where her destiny was taking her. Her life played like a hyper-lapse movie in front of her dry eyes. Those eyes had forgotten to flow. How much would a human cry over their own Qismat?  Sometimes even the heart comes to a term of acceptance. It is what it is, you could never change a notch about it. 

She thought of all the people she had left behind. Those people were once family. She thought of her Mom; who was now very ill, at a loss of leading a normal life. Perhaps, her father's sentence was too much for her mother to take? Who was she calling Mother or Father? The same people who were after her inheritance all her life. Only if she had known everything way before. Why did it all end like the way it did? Why had she never been told about the truth?

Why? Why? Why? 

What could have been worse? She'd never find those answers. She didn't want to either. She might never see them again, never return back ever. She truly had no one now. Everyone's face ran across her mind... Arshiya - Hufaiz - Mama - Baba - Agha Jaan. 

At that picture of a sweet old man in her eyes, a shuddering cold sigh waved into her as it had stopped her from breathing. She wept. Riya covered her eyes with her palms and wept like a little trembling girl. After the truth was out about her being an adopted child, at least her heart knew she had Agha Jaan as her only true caretaker; something he had been doing all along. Alas, one dreadful night, even that was taken away from her. Her old grandfather had returned to the Creator leaving her behind with no one. 

She remembered that terrifying night when her heart was restless. She sat on the prayer mat, silently praying for her Mom who was being treated at the hospital. While her Agha Jaan also lay motionless on the bed, with fever soaring its highest. Trauma had taken over on now what was left of their family. First her mom, then Agha Jaan. Both of them were fighting with some of life's horrible tragedies. The poor old man couldn't survive the anguish. He was gone in what still seemed like a heartbeat. She would never forget that calmness on his face, such calmness which depicted that he was finally free of all the troubles of this life... 

Today she left home. She left a place that had been her childhood cocoon. She loved that home and the people around it so much that for now she could bury that pain and hoped to deal with it later. To those that could take her place, were only the walls, the streets only concrete, but to her, there was everything. As she was turning to leave for the airport, to depart far away, she felt part of her soul imprint onto the walls, a parting gift from her to that place she once called home. She slipped out the adoption certificate that Hufaiz had slapped against her face. Her eyes met her maiden name written on it. Zariya Barham Jahangiri Khan. Everything of her previous name had been wiped out. Riya was her nickname, it was time she diffused into what her actual name meant. A blossoming flower. After all the rough storms, she wanted to live a life as beautifully as one could imagine just like an unplucked flower's to be. 

Riya had finally landed into the city of lights. A city of love and laughter. A city where there was a rich history deeply woven into the sea and air. She took a  rental car and drove off towards the heart of Istanbul. She had once been on those roads, some faded memories hit back sharply. 

The tunnel curled away coldly into infinite darkness, the light that showed the rough walls dwindling as it snaked away. Her skin shuddered and she could feel her brain starting to defocus, searching for a way out... she should go back...up there, to the forest where the paths run in every direction... perhaps there is a way back home? What home? She had no home now. Nothing remained, not even the people who were once her's. There was no way out. This was it.

All she had was herself, she was done self-pitying. She had enough of divulging remorse, enough of people making a joke out of her life. She was here, to conquer. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE END!