Most wanted | p.jm x reader

1.7

Wow, you even made a criminal pity you, Y/N

Seokjin should be the last person to try and pick me up, and yet, he was giving me (what I think are) words of encouragement and just how I would (possibly) make a difference in working with him and the gang.

Isn't that hilarious?

I sighed and frustratingly ran my hand through my now weathered and tired hair. The condition accurately reflected just how broken and exhausted I had felt for the last 17 months.

17 months ...

It's been 17 months.

And I still feel as pathetic, useless, and weak as ever.

It's been 17 months since I lost the one-sided love of my life. Ever since, I've been everyday mentally, physically, and emotionally since.

Day after day, I have to face the stares of others in my own workplace, the one we both used to share together. They're either one of two choices: accusing or pitiful. And it's not like I prefer one over the other.

I've had so much time to heal, better myself, and finally move on.

But how come I feel like I'm still stuck in the same place? Like no matter how much I want to take a step forward, something just holds me down in place.

I keep telling myself I'm ready to fly, but the darkness deep in my mind clips my wings and tells me to stay grounded, because I'm more safer at rock bottom than trying to face the obstacles of flight.

They say once you go rock bottom that the only direction is up. But are you really ready for the challenges you'll face at the top?

It's so comfortable down at the bottom. Soon enough, it becomes so comfortable, you find more comfort in the shadows than in the light. 

Maybe that's why everyone thinks I'm pathetic. I try to pick myself up and realize it's just so much easier to put myself down.

Yeah, it's so much easier this way

*BZZZ* *BZZZ*

I hurriedly rummaged through my pocket for the buzzing phone, not even checking the contact number before swiping right and putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Y/N?"

It's Irene

--I thought, not even taking into account how long it's been since I've been called by my actual name instead of derogatory terms and insults by everyone around me except Yeri and Taehyung.

Taehyung. Gosh, I really need to get some alone time with him soon

But it's so awkward for Irene to be calling me out of the blue like this. I mean, it's normal in our friendship, but this last week she's been really weird and I even think she's been dodging me since that day at the cafe.

She was acting all weird all of a sudden; switching up on my relationship with Taehyung the moment I mentioned them meeting, messing up what country she was in for work, and leaving in a hurry.

And I think she was even crying

And to top it all off, that was the same day where I had officially "gone into business" with SBG. Whatever that even specifies.

For the last week, I've tried calling, texting, and even emailing her, but she dodged every one of my attempts with either a weak excuse or just flat out avoidance.