Earlier that day
Raj's residence:
He was frustrated, damn frustrated! With himself, with Sarita, but most of all how things were NOT going according to his plan. He was cheating his family. He was leaving them penniless and homeless. He was cheating Divya by breaking her heart. But this was not how he wanted things to happen.
He started pacing about in his room. All he wanted to do after coming back from Mumbai was to use HIS savings over the past 10 years to settle down in a far away place with Sarita. He wanted to start afresh with her. He felt connected to her somehow and thought that it was love and he wanted to give it a chance. An inner voice nagged him "If that was the case then why did you knowingly drag Divya into this mess?" He grabbed his head and mentally cursed at the voice to stop.
He thought that Sarita was in love with him too and wanted the same. Until she put across her set of conditions. Those conditions which were frustrating the hell out of him. Yet he wanted to go along with her wishes. So it started with not telling about their plan to elope. It was killing him that he was keeping Divya in the dark about this. She did not deserve this. He was the reason she was in this complicated web, in the first place. Now he was feeling terribly guilty that he would be leaving her literally at the altar, alone and in pain. He could feel the humiliation she would go through. "But that is not stopping you from running away with Sarita, is it?" Nagged that voice again.
He thought about leaving his parents, sisters and grandmother, when they needed him the most. How could he have gone ahead with the VISA appointment, knowing that his father was unwell and needed his support? How could he have stolen family jewels and money only for it to be stolen again by someone else? Oh god, his parents lost all their life savings because of him! He felt ashamed of himself. "And yet you did it, did you not?" Came that nagging voice from his head again. Now he did the worst thing in his entire life. He stooped very low in his own eyes. He cheated his mother into signing over the property documents. He cursed himself for this and Sarita too for placing such conditions in the first place. "But shouldn't you be happy? You are about to start a new life with Sarita." Came that voice again with sarcasm laced to it.
He felt the worst right now, as he lost his identity and honour by doing unimaginable things. What would his parents, sisters, grandmother and Divya think about him once they came to know about what he did? "Who cares, you got what you wanted did you not? Or are you having second thoughts now?" Nagged that voice. NO! He shouted out loud. Then why was he having such conflicting thoughts running through his head? Is this some kind of sign that what he was about to do tonight was wrong?, he thought. No,no,no,no, he cannot be thinking of these things. He needed to think of his future with Sarita. The same Sarita he could not curse enough now. Did he really know her at all? He always thought that she was a girl that money couldn't buy. But whatever he thought of her flew out the window, once she placed all the conditions before him. "But you still want to elope with her?" Questioned that voice. Yes! He thought. "But why?" Asked that voice again and this time he did not have any answer to it. Why was he having these conflicting thoughts now, of all times? He did not want this distraction now that the moment he was waiting for was finally about to happen.
He picked up his phone and called Sarita. She answered the call on the fourth ring. He told her to meet him at Gandhi nagar Chourasta at 1AM. It felt like she tried to interrupt him, to say something. But he thought that it was his imagination speaking and cut the call.
Then he went about in search of a paper and pen. He wanted to apologise to Divya personally for all the trauma, pain and humiliation that he was about to put her through. Since that was not happenning he wanted to write a personal note to her, asking for her forgiveness for having hurt her in the worst way, knowing very well that he did not deserve to even seek it, in the first place. "You fool! You are hurting her beyond repair and yet you expect her to forgive you? You really need help!" Said that voice again. Stop! He shouted, feeling doubly guilty.
He penned down his letter, put it in an envelope and wrore her name on the cover side of the envelope. He placed it on his study table, all the while remorse, shame and guilt plagueing at him, for hurting her and his family. He knew that he was breaking her heart and was sure that he built a big barrier between them, which was difficult to cross now.
As he left the house a little later, the inner voice started again "Was Sarita worth all this? Do you even love her? Or is this just an obsession? What did you achieve by hurting Divya, the person whom you loved for 12 years ?" He tried ignoring the voice but it was like a boomerang, constantly occupying his thoughts all the way to the place where he decided to meet Sarita.
To be continued...
