I Am Iris

Chapter Fourteen: When You Really Lose

I’m really not as stupid as everyone seems to think. If I was such a tortoise brain, I’d expect things to improve the second day back to school. But, I knew better. I always know better.

My geometry book hit the wooden desk with a bang, and then I plopped into my metal seat with a clang. I was only two minutes late, and for me that was an accomplishment. Well, depending on your perspective. I personally couldn’t care any less. I was preoccupied, and that’s an understatement. White was echoing off the weakening contours of my bones. Melvin Mushroom wouldn’t leave my mind. He was in my mind. Somehow, he found a way in. I couldn’t get him to leave my thoughts. Memories of him made my stomach flip flop like bubbling pancakes. The last thing I was going to do was see him again. If I had to choose between meeting him and being vertically impaled on a giant, rusty fork, I would pick the latter.

“Is Iris Mai here?”

I think that’s me.

I was thrust into reality, and found I had absentmindedly carved a duck into my desk. My head shot up before I had time to properly analyze its duckness, however. A man I had absolutely no recollection of was standing in the doorway. His hair was short, neat, and slightly resembled dry mud. He wore a stern, unreadable expression that contradicted his fish tie.

“It depends who’s asking,” I stated, as I pulled myself up, improving my posture and ultimately making myself appear way more intimidating.

The man squinted. “Your principal.”

“Then why doesn’t she ask me herself?” I heard someone let out a short snort somewhere in the back of the classroom. I chanced a glance over at the evil Ms. K., whose shadow of a smile indicated how much she was enjoying this. I very much hate her.

“She is,” he answered in a voice that sounded like exhaling stiff, crumpling smoke. “Or, um, he.” I blinked. “Me. God! I’m the principal.”

My hands dropped onto my desk. “Bats in the belfry! Since when? This- like, um- what?!” I had never even seen this man before. Oh well- hmm, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a well before. I’d probably just fall into it and die a long and painful death, though, so I suppose I should be grateful.

“Five years.” Oh. It’s like the world doesn’t want me to know anything about it.

I fell back into my seat, suddenly losing all confidence. Principals are scary. They’re pretty much all just failed dictators that resorted to bossing around kids.

“So, may I speak to you?” he finally asked.

“Oh, um, thanks, but no thanks. I’m currently very busy. Y’know, class. I love me some geography!” I forced a laugh and slapped my knee.

“Geometry, actually, Iris. Please leave,” Ms. K. finally piped in from behind her cluttered desk. She swept the dark hair from her eyes, then redirected her view on Mr. Principal Guy. He still looked super duper faluper daduper computer looper scary. I don’t even think he blinked. That’s not normal, right? Please tell me my fear is justified. Not that I was scared of a principal or anything, but… He was scary.

“Okay,” I groaned. Gosh. It’s like Ms. K. wanted me to leave or something.

I reluctantly followed the man out the door without a clue on what the fudge was going on. The sound of our footsteps reverberated off the walls. “I’m Mr. Goose, by the way,” he finally introduced himself, his head faced straight ahead and held high. He walked so quickly I could hardly keep up.

“I don’t care.” At least I was honest.

Then, suddenly, Mr. Goose came to an abrupt stop. I crashed into him, then (rather slowly) gathered myself. Who stops in the middle of a hallway? Other than me, I mean. But I don’t even do it very often and I always have a reason, like checking to make sure I’m still wearing shoes. I am at this moment.