To the man I thought I can call mine, we had sleepless nights. A Thousand stories were told. And a countless promises. All of it keeps on coming back at the exact hour of the night we usually waited to come. Thinking about you is my favorite hobby now. I never thought it would be this hard because you left too soon. I am always hoping you'll thought of me at least a minute or two of your day. But no, don't blame yourself for me being like this. From the very beginning, I am aware that once you are done with me, I am nothing anymore to you. I accepted--- trying to accept that. What wounding me is the idea of you completed the whole me. I don't like to think you will be gone cos baby, I see my future with you but you left and it seems you steal a piece of me.
I was once an abandoned story until you came and start writing it over again. You were the most precious earthly thing, I guess I can keep until my last breath.
You were the pivot of my unending poems.
My entirety.
My game changer.
And my alter ego.
I gave all the love I possess. I have given it all. I even didn't thought of myself. I am filled with gratitude because I know you have given all of yours too, you tried to give it to me up to the time it went halfway. I want to be more mature than you ever thought of me but I won't deny the fact that I cried pail of tears. I am cautious about this kind of thing but I didn't intercept before it happens. I do stress-eating because every food I looked at, it always remind me of you. It gave me really a hard time to let go and move on. All of those people who wants me to be happy wants you to discern of what you have caused me. They even thought I became crazy. I never and didn't listen to them at first because all I want is to enjoy being with you. You know what's comical? All of it was just a one-sided love. I have fallen for you yet you are fallen with somebody else. I madly want to cut this habit of me crying every night. I tried to fix us. I keep on praying. I wanted to beg but I know it won't work. I love you, before.
The feelings, it's all gone now. The empty-headed me was all gone now. She grown up from that drama. I don't know when I stopped crying but one thing is clear to me and that is GOD was there the whole time. He waited for me to come over, to surrender all my weariness. I realized, my story won't stop even you left. I don't like to be left behind so I decided to take a step once at a time with my Father. You left me a farewell but I can let others to convey me a greetings. You and I is done. But there would still be me. I won't engage myself a situation like this for now. I am actually engrossed, not with someone but with me. I need to love myself first. All this time, I choose you and it comes to the point I forgot that I have to love myself also. You crossed in my mind sometimes but it didn't sting like before. You were just like an extra cast, my prima donna didn't arrive yet but I have patience now to wait. Our memories are still fresh in my mind, I may forget some of the details but not all.
Finally! I am free from the pain, frustrations, worries and uncertainties. I am free now to love myself again. Letting go is really the key to freedom.
Thank you for the broken promises, it taught me.
Thank you for not finishing my story.
Thank you for being a cast of my fantasy.
Thank you because you are now happy so am I.
Never let others hurt you, you also deserved to be love. You deserve all the happiness while you are still in this world. I won't settle for less now and I hope you will also do that. I am happy with your happiness and if it's with someone, love her not like the way you love me.
