forever// 5SOS

14

*trigger warning*
Ava

"You look perky," Ashton smiled as I  bounced into his room.

"I only woke up twice,"

"That's amazing, ay?" he smiled, holding my hand, "how much do you usually wake up?"

"Five or six,"

He pat the bed and I sat down, my chest tightening a little, but way less than it would've a week ago.

"I'm seeing about a therapist, and they might be able to help. Michael can help too,"

"All I seem to need is help," I mumbled- it did make me feel broken. It was so focused on me, and I know it needed to be, but sometimes I liked it away from me.

"I didn't mean it like that Ava, I promise. I'm sorry, tell me if you feel like that,"

"Do you think I could grow up to be as normal as you?"

"Where did all these questions come from? You're fine,"

"I just feel... I don't know, like I need all these people and all this help,"

"And that's okay. It's okay to be who you are Ava,"

"No one else celebrates only waking up twice,"

"They do, and who cares, you came in excited, so we can be excited,"

I stood up and nodded, looking in his mirror and sighing. I was conflicted about my image, knowing girls my age tried to look like me which made it right, surely? But then Ashton and others told me it was wrong.

I didn't know. I trusted Ashton though, and when you looked closely my skin was pale, and my body was bony. I didn't look well.

"Let's get you some breakfast,"

He stood up and threw a hoodie on, following me to the kitchen and getting out two bowls.

"I bought chocolate cereal for you, if you'd like,"

"And for you,"

"I'm laying back a bit," he chuckled, "could you please get me the milk?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't worry about it,"

"But you know about my life, I want you to talk too,"

"Okay, you know Calum? Me and him are trying to lose a little weight, and make our mindset a bit stronger. We have a hardworking job despite how it seems, and we want to feel as good as possible,"

"Oh, okay. I think I need a bit more on me," I admitted.

"You're right, and I know I'm giving you chocolate cereal but we have to make sure to do it right okay? We'll work up to it, but it's about a balanced diet over time and not something to see results quickly,"

"I feel a bit embarrassed,"

"Why?"

"I  don't feel comfortable with myself,"

"I'm in a bit of a similar situation, and when the time comes that I'm comfortable with you doing some more intense exercise I will help, because it sucks,"

"Thankyou," I whispered, "Thankyou,"

I ate the food, with a sudden determination. He looked proud of me too, and I knew this was the right decision.

Last night I'd felt safe, and it was unusual to me. I'd known Ashton for less than a month, and everything went so quickly.

Admittedly, I was still nervous, but I just had to remind myself it was okay.