forever// 5SOS

17

*trigger warning*
Ashton

"You look... shaken," Calum said, sitting down next to me, "you okay?"

"It's just Ava,"

"What?"

"She exploded last night, and I don't fucking blame her. I wish she didn't have to go through all of that," I said, my voice cutting off as I came close to tears.

"It's okay,"

"No it's not. It's not. She didn't even know what had happened until last night. She just thought they were hurting her more, she had no clue what the men were actually doing," I said in disbelief, "and the court didn't talk about it. They didn't believe her,"

"Why?"

"Because she wouldn't let them do an exam. They thought she was really going to let them give her an exam after all the shit she went through?! And he got ten years for all he did, that's it. Ten years and she's scarred forever,"

"She will go to therapy though,"

"Therapy isn't some magic! It's no magic wand to wave and get better. She is going to have to live with that forever, the only difference is that she'll know the best way to live with it, without breaking down,"

Calum shushed me, holding me in his arms and planting a small kiss on my head.

"We could still go to court, get him more time,"

"More time doesn't stop it from happening,"

"But she might feel slightly more content, because until he's locked up for it, that little girl is going to think she is the reason. She won't tell you, but she will,"

"There's no evidence,"

"We don't need evidence, it's her word. If she's willing to do this, say in a couple of months once she's settled with her therapist and school, go for it,"

I nodded and sat up, wiping the tears from my eyes.

The morning went rather quickly, because it was a blur. I put my focus on my patients, and that's it. If I didn't find a focus, I would be frozen, and spiral into a place I didn't want to be in.

Calum did most the talking- I just felt so thrown off.

"Go and talk to Luke," he said quietly, "please, because it's torturing you,"

I nodded and got up, walking to the staff room like a zombie. 

"Ash,"

I shook my head and walked towards him, hugging him tightly.

"Michael told me,"

"How does Michael know?"

"Ava texted him because she thought she'd made you mad,"

"I've messed up,"

"No you haven't, you haven't. She's in the waiting room you know,"

I took a deep breath and stood up, nodding and turning on my heels

"Ash," he called, "you're doing great,"

I went into the waiting room and saw Ava, a smile on her face as she talked to my mum. I crouched infront of her and she bit her lip.

"Hey you, shall we get this over with?"

"I'm sorry,"

"You don't have to be sorry,"

"I'm obviously still upset, but just because I have a name for the hurt it doesn't mean I have to be more hurt. I don't know, I don't understand, but what I'm trying to say is I'm just as upset as before, and I don't want to go further into it anymore. I want it to just go away- will the therapist help?"