Before You Leave [finished short collection]

Chapter 5

December 26, 2018
I would never feel as much pain as I feel right now, nothing even could possibly compare to this. I've watched people have their heart broken on TV and I've watched girls come into school with pajamas on and mascara dripping down their cheeks. But never once, ever once, would I think I'd have to deal with getting my heart broken. Ever.

Now here I was, the day after Christmas and I can barely breathe because it hurt so bad. I had to find out from Amethyst that my boyfriend had been making out with a different girl right in the town square, in front of everyone. There was a Christmas firework celebrations that night and I couldn't go because my family from Scotland had flown all the way down to visit and I wanted to spend time with them before they left the next morning. I told my boyfriend that, I told him.

My parents had knocked on my room several times but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, the pain hit me in every nerve of my body. My pillows were soaked and I was still in Christmas pajamas, I'd been crying from 10 to 6pm and I didn't plan on stopping anytime soon. It was already dark outside and I was glad I didn't have to look at myself anymore from the reflection of my TV.

Even my dog had to leave the room, I was too much of a depressing sight for her. I had currently been playing The Other Woman since 11 because I thought it would make me feel better. It didn't... but I couldn't bring myself to shut it off. On one hand I was tired but on the other hand I had enough energy to bulldoze an entire building... possibly Ryklin's car for example.

I hear a knock at my door and I yell go away, I didn't need any of my family to see me in this state. What I did need was ice cream and a lot of it. I see the door crack open but instead of my parents or my little brother I see Will walking in with his snow jacket and snow boots on.

He looks annoyed as he takes off his jacket and throws it on the floor then takes unties his boots to throw on the floor also. "Are you dying or something? Your parents called me to tell me you won't leave the bed and if this is just you being laz-" He stops short when he finally looks up and see's me. I see his face drop to a worried expression as he walks over to my bed and touch the bottom of my puffy eyes, they were probably burning. "What's wrong, what is it?" He says not sounding annoyed anymore.

It takes me a moment but I finally mumble the answer into my blanket.

"What?" He says leaning in closer.

I sigh loudly, tears burning in my eyes again. "Ryklin cheated on me last night."

Will's face drops but I see his fists clench as he walks over to put his boots and jacket back on... "I'm gonna kill that fucking pinheaded troglodyte."

"No, Will! Stop." I say but he doesn't listen, instead just continues until he's about to walk out the door.

"Just stay with me please." I say in desperation, I see him stop in his place and look back at me with glazed eyes. He sighs as he throws his head back and I walks back inside. Repeating the process of taking his jacket off and snow boots off again, this time he takes his second layer off until he's in nothing but a camping sweater, jeans, and fuzzy socks that his mom picked out for him. He could say he hated them all he wanted but I knew he was a momma's boy and was whipped when it came to that kind of stuff. He walks over looking annoyed and lays down on my bed, turning away from me. I start to laugh at his babyish attitude and I see him loosen up. He sits up on my bed and grabs my remote, changing The Other Woman and looking through my Netflix account. "I always knew he was a dumbass." He says as he continues to flip through shows.

My lip starts to tremble as I look at him, so grateful for having him in my life. I move up the bed and suddenly I feel myself resting on his complete left side. He stops flipping channels for a moment, then goes back to flipping. We were never like this, touchy touchy or even the slightest bit affectionate towards one another. For all the insults we always spewed towards one another we made up for when there was a problem in one of each other's lives. That's how our friendship worked, but I knew he wouldn't push me off seeing how my boyfriend of almost a year cheated on me. So I decided to take advantage of him not being a rock solid asshole. I watch as he puts on Law and Order and I sniffle until he eventually sticks a tissue up my nose. It was just how we were towards each other but I wouldn't have had it any other way. "Do you want to go with me next week to go check out Manchester's college campus?" He says but doesn't really make it as a question, instead makes it more of a statement that I'm going. I nod.

I felt better when he was around, I felt as if I was being dramatic about everything and he always set me in place.

I would never once tell Will this, just as to he would never tell me this. An unspoken agreement. Not once, ever, will we speak these words towards each other because god forbid how awkward that would be... but...

I loved Will.
I truly did.

July 6, 2019
My doorbell rang.
I was unfortunately the only one home, I rushed to put shorts on and almost fell going down the stairs in socks but eventually I get there. I hadn't had the motivation to get up and make myself anything so instead I decided to order myself a meat lovers pizza.

I grab my 20 off the counter and proceed to open the door, "Sorry I didn't hear your knock the first time, I'll make sure to gi-" I stop mid sentence when I look up and see Harry, not the pizza delivery man.

"Can we talk?"

***************************
It's uncommonly silent.
We sat at my kitchen's island, the both of us eating pizza without looking up at each other. I look outside to see night sky and the tree banging against my kitchen window because of the wind.

"Are you going to his party?" Harry says finally looking up at me, his strong jawline was prominent when ever he was clenching his jaw.

I swallow, "I don't know yet."

He sighs and looks beside us at the same tree I was just staring at, "We we're going to get an apartment together." He spoke.

My eyes widen at his words, unsure of how he meant it. He must have noticed because he looked at me and laughed. "We were both going to Manchester, and neither of us wanted to stay in the dorms. So we were saving up money to get an apartment with Oliver."

"Oh...." I sigh but I still feel the pang at my heart when realizing we were talking about him like he wasn't there anymore... he wasn't... But it still felt chilling or even forbidden to talk about. "I'm sorry."

He groans in aggravation, but not in a energized aggravated way, more of a tired way. "I thought you of most people would not say 'I'm sorry.' I'm so tired of people telling me that."

This time I chuckle a little bit, "Yeah I know what you mean."

"I remember in 8th grade I hated you," He looks down and smiles, I watch attentively. "All of a sudden I had to share my best friend with this weird girl with glasses. I was so childish back then, I even tried to talking you down hoping he'd just drop you and things would go back to how they used to be." He looked up at me and I feel like I can look into his soul just from his eyes. "He never did. Then I actually talked to you freshman year and realized how stupid I was being."

"If you didn't like me, I never noticed. Then again I'm not one to notice things, I was always so dim. Will was always the one to tell me whenever I missed something." I take another bite of my pizza, feeling my whole body ache. Nobody told you that when someone dies your whole body aches for them, and that just thinking about them can make your throat hurt.

He stares at me, "Yeah."

He gets up and throws the paper plate into the trash, then circles back to the island. "I should probably get going, I just came to know if you were going to baseball thing. I wouldn't show up if you weren't gonna go, I couldn't handle all the sorries."

I stand up and walk him to the door, "I-I'll let you know." I rub my arms when he opens the door at the small gush of wind.

Before he closes the door I stop him, "Harry?"

He turns around. "Yeah?"

"Did you ever feel like Will was keeping anything from you, like he wasn't telling you something important?" I say in a small voice.

I can't see his features change, I can't really see him change at all. He doesn't look confused or unsure when he says to me directly, "No Cassie."

We stare at each other for a moment longer before I nod my head, he stays staring at me for a while. I can't feel what he's feeling but at the same time I feel the same way. Then he  turns around and gets into his car and drives away.

And I stand outside waiting for an answer that may never come.