Close As Strangers » (Ashton Irwin a.u.)

Chapter 13

Chapter 13: The Little Things

I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to keep whatever connections Grace and I have anymore alive. She's still keeping her distance from me. It's been days now. She's spending more time alone, and she won't talk to me unless it's about something important.

I can't seem to even get close to closing this gap between us. I've tried so hard all week. Every time I entered the room she was in, she'd leave. When I tried to touch her, she avoided me. When I talk to her it's as if she's letting everything go right past her, ignoring everything I'm saying. I can't tell if she's mad at me or simply feeling out of place.

We're sitting in the living room as she looks through more photo albums and pictures and videos. I simply watch or look on my phone to seem as if I'm actually busy. I'm just so lost in thought and confusion. Why the distance?

"Grace, please talk to me," I tell her.

"I have nothing to talk about," she replies almost bitterly.

"What's wrong? Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

She closes the book and sets it down angrily. "Explain to me how I'm avoiding you." She folds her arms across her chest.

"You won't talk to me, you leave the room when I'm there, and you push me away."

"Ashton, I don't want to talk," she says.

"I do."

"I mean it. I don't want to get into it with you."

"Just tell me why!" I say, throwing my arms up and standing to my feet. "Tell me why you've decided to hate me so much."

"I don't hate you!" she yells, standing up as well. She takes a deep breath, calming her voice. "I'm just... not having an easy time thinking about the things I've said."

"And what would that be?"

"What I suggested about you leaving me," she says quietly. "You should."

"Why? Because you're too scared to admit it yourself that you want out of this relationship? I'm trying, Grace. I really am, but you avoiding me and not letting me help is getting really old."

"I'm not trying to avoid-"

"Of course you are! It's so obvious that you want to leave so badly! If you want to, fine. Go ahead."

"That's the thing!" she yells, getting in my face. "I'm scared to leave you, Ashton! I know I'm forgetful right now, but that doesn't mean I haven't forgotten the things you do for me. I'm trying too, Ashton, but it feels like I'm drowning, and no one's there to pull me up."

"But you're not letting me!" I argue.

"How can I when we're falling apart?!"

A heavy silence blankets over the room. I feel an aching in my chest, and I take in an unsteady breath and exhale shakily. My fists are clenched at my side. Grace is crying now, and I feel like total shit.

Without any spoken words, she retreats back to our bedroom. The door shuts. I hear her crying quietly from where I stand.

I can't think of many times she's ever literally shut me out. I guess I can't blame her though. I just don't now what to do.

Every time she'd get pissed off at me I found some way to make her feel better and hopefully forgive me. Whether it was by holding her or simply apologizing, something always worked, but now I'm not sure how her mind is working. I don't know how to fix anything.