Close As Strangers » (Ashton Irwin a.u.)

Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Doubts

- Ashton's POV -

I find it hard to even open my eyes. Everything about me feels heavy, and I feel like a weight. And I feel something pulling my hair. But as I do open my eyes, the first thing I see is Grace. She's gently running her fingers through my hair.

She smiles as she sees me. I close my eyes for a moment longer before looking at her again. The same lazy smile is on her lips, and her fingers are still running through my hair.

"Good morning," she says quietly. I groan in response. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I mumble.

"What's wrong?"

"We need to talk."

"About what?" she asks, her expression becoming concerned.

"I kept waking up last night, and I didn't sleep that well. I was thinking about us. After last night, I wondered if I was actually good enough for you."

"That's not tr-"

"I am shit. There's always someone better than me, Grace. Someone better you could be with," I snap in frustration. She avoids my eyes and looks down.

"But I don't want anyone else. I want you," she says quietly. "Where is this coming from?"

I shake my head. I can't possibly tell her why I'm saying this. I continue explaining.

"I'm not good enough for you. You'd be better off without such a fuck up."

"Don't you dare say that. I can't leave you, Ashton. I can't. Even if I tried, it would be as if you were still there. It'd be like ripping my heart out of my chest. It would hurt like hell to miss you and the fun and laughter we shared. Your presence would linger like you were just there to remind me that you were mine, and I was yours. And after what you did for me last night- fighting Sam- how could I ever leave? Nobody else would've done that for me. I need you, Ash. I love you."

"I love you even more."

She reaches over and kisses me for a moment. I groan in pain, remembering my busted lip. She then pulls away.

"Sorry," she says with a quiet laugh.

"It's okay," I reply, smiling at her.

She looks down on me and kisses my forehead before getting out of bed and stretching.

"If you really love me, you'll stay in bed for a few more minutes," I tell her. She laughs.

"If you really love me, you'll let me go cook breakfast so I don't starve to death."

I smile as she leaves our room. I lie in bed for a while longer, thinking about what she said to me just a moment earlier.

If that's truly how she feels about me, why should I be worried? My concern is that she'll find someone better than me, and they'll give her everything she's ever wanted. I can't do those things, but if anything I'll treat her right and be someone she can rely on all the time.

I decide to push the thought away for now and get out of bed myself. As I stand up, I feel a little lightheaded. Once I wake up a little more I go into the kitchen to see Grace standing at the stove.

I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, placing my hands under her shirt on her warm bare skin. I kiss her neck before resting my chin on her shoulder.

"What's gotten into you?" she asks with a chuckle. "You're being clingy."

"You're my best friend. You know that right?" I ask.