Letters we wrote

Letter 14

Naruto's words echoed in his brain over and over as he walked through the woods. His heart had also started racing a few kilometers back, when he saw the signage saying he was entering the land of fire. He knew he was close to Konoha, all those woods were too familiar, and that only made Naruto's words sound stronger. He kept walking until he could see the woods disappearing alongside a long gray land. Pure dirt and rock, you could see some stumps here and there, all messily cut off, some were slightly off the ground, their roots showing halfway. Now he knew he was close to his destination. He stopped, a part of him didn't want to go on, seeing the destruction he had caused wasn't doing him any favors, but he knew he had to. He took a deep breath, breathing off long and slowly, and starting walking again.

He reached it a few minutes later, a huge crater stood before him, shouting its story at him. And suddenly, he saw something he hadn't realized before, granted, last time he was here he wasn't particularly concerned with his surroundings, especially not at the end.

The only remainings of the statues of Madara and Hashirama laid at the center of the huge crater that was now the Valley of the End. Only two hands survived the clash that was Naruto and Sasuke's last battle. But Sasuke had never noticed before how they had all fit together.

"The seal" he whispered as he saw the remainings forming the seal of reconciliation. He sighed as he slid down to the center. The water was as high as his ankles, rocks and pieces of the statues were everywhere, it was terribly hard to walk without thinking twice on where to step. He reached the two hands in the center, where the blood stain still remained.

He looked around, remembering the battle, remembering all that was felt and said. He took a deep breath as he slowly sat where he had once laid, half dead. His eyes locked on the space next to him, where Naruto was.

You have to forgive yourself first.

"Easier said than done, usuratonkachi" he whispered.

But he was right. He knew doing all of this was pointless if he couldn't forgive himself. All the thank yous and selfless acts were not going to give him that forgiveness. They helped, but they were simply not going to do all the work. He had to believe he deserved that forgiveness, he had to believe he had truly changed, and that it'd stay that way. That he was out of the darkness for good.

Time...and support.

Gaara's voice came suddenly. Like a punch. And everything else came like a punch as well. His visit to the land of waves, his encounter at the border of the land of the wind, the refugees at Takigakure, the war. The fucking war. His fight with Naruto. Naruto's face, his words.

His brother.

I'll always love you, Sasuke.

His voice echoed. And his heart just couldn't take it anymore, it felt like it was going to explode if he didn't do something. But the only thing his mind could think of doing was crying.

"Fuck..." he whispered in the most broken voice he had ever heard coming out of him.

And suddenly, silent tears came out of his eyes, sniffs were heard short after, and before he could notice, he had began to sob out loud.

And louder, and louder. Almost like a scream. Tears kept falling. His knees had gone up, his arm embracing them, his face just buried in between, trying to drown the sound of his cry. But failing. He felt as if he had hold this cry for his whole life. Like all the hatred and frustration was escaping his body at last.

The sobbing began to stop slowly, turning quieter and quieter every minute, after a while only sniffs were left. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself, but hiccups from the crying didn't quite let him. Even so, for the first time in months, he felt as his heart was calm.

Whenever I'd see you hurt, alone, well, it'd hurt me too.

His eyes moved back to the spot where Naruto was. His voice echoed again in his mind.

I miss you.

A short smile started appearing on his face, sniffs were gone, and just a few tears were still falling. The only person who never stopped believing in him, the only piece of light, of good, that never left him, as much as he tried to murder it. His reason to be better.

Maybe that was it. Maybe, just the fact of having something to guide him, a goal that'd make him be better, that could be his guarantee that he wouldn't return to the darkness. Love and support, like Gaara had said. He might have done horrible things in the past, things he will regret for his whole life, but now he had a golden opportunity: a second chance. Despite all the chaos he caused, people were giving him a blank page.

"But..." he whispered.

Part of his mind still yelled at him that he not deserved that chance. Against all proof, against all the people that he had encountered and helped these last months.

He sighed, pulling the new team 7 picture out of his jacket and stared at it for minutes. Maybe hours. He wasn't feeling the past of time correctly.

The other part of his mind, that was not determined to make him feel miserable, was totally focused on Naruto and what he meant to him.

You were lost, a voice in his head told him. But you came back, you came back on time, it told him. You didn't kill him, it said.

Tears fell from his eyes again. It almost sounded like his mother's voice. So tranquil and comforting. And it was right, his worst fear when he woke up from that battle was that he had actually succeeded in killing Naruto, he knew in his heart he wouldn't have been able to face anything else if he truly did.

"But I tried to" he whispered, tears still falling, softly and slow, but non-stop.

No, you didn't, the voice said. You know you really weren't.

More tears fell as he closed his eyes tightly. The voice was right, he didn't want to kill him, he never intended to. His hand went straight for the neck of his shirt, holding tightly to that piece of paper.

Itachi wouldn't want to see you like this, the voice said suddenly. A small chuckle from Sasuke followed.

"Such a cheap trick" Sasuke whispered.

That voice was growing stronger, and its thoughts grew stronger as well. Almost pushing the other away. Naruto was alive, he had come back in time, he was back, and he was not alone now. And something in him knew that as long as he kept his goal clear, he was going to be okay. The tears started to stop. Acceptance from others would come eventually, time would made sure of that. But for now, the only forgiveness he needed was his own. He owed himself that much.

Correct, the voice said.

He took out the piece of paper and looked at it. Looking at those words that could keep him alive, in that messy and child-like handwriting. A smile started appearing.

You already are, you've always been.

That idiot, he thought.

"Fine" he whispered. "You win...again" he chuckled. He folded the piece of paper and put if inside his jacket again. He sighed as he made the invocation seal, and a small purple snake appeared. Who was amazingly happy of seeing him again.

He took out a piece of paper and started writing a letter.

You win again, usuratonkachi.

He folded the letter and put it on the snake. "You know where to take it" he smiled.