hey. i guess we haven't talked in quite sometime. i think almost 5 or 6 months? i dunno. a lot has happened. i cant even put it into words without breaking down. i lost my only friend that mattered to me. she said things were just "drifting off" and that makes me so sad and mad.
i'm literally crying typing that but okay.
i made this book in '17 and it amazes me how sad i really was then and still am now.
i faked getting better so i could get out of therapy in february so my mother thinks i'm a-okay but im really not.
stuff went downhill so quickly.
i'm back in bad habits.
they hurt.
i hate myself even more.
i don't have friends anymore.
i try to isolate myself as often as i can and i think my dad is catching on, i do not want that to happen:/
he lost one of his kids already i don't want him to worry about another.
i'm sorry i came back the same or if i scared you for leaving for half a fucking year.
what have i become?
i'm sorry.
-unedited
