All These Boys and I'm Still Single

The Confession

It's the last day of this spring festival. I can't believe it's about to end. I am lining up to get to the hot air balloon with Troy.

He's been acting strange lately. He does not tease me as often and goes beyond to show me he cares for me. I always shut his efforts by calling him "friend" all the time just so he does not get any more ideas.

If only he was this sweet when we were 16, I'd probably explore more of the feelings I had for him then... even if that was just a small crush. I guess if feelings were involved in our friendship, I wouldn't have him today beside me. Girls and guys cannot be friends are confessing each other's feelings. They just can't and I know it from experience

We are already in the hot air balloon. I was just standing there appreciating the cold breeze of the wind. I hugged myself because it was cold. A tear escaped my eye and flashbacks of memories with Luke came flashing as I stare at the wonderful creation in front of my naked eyes.

Troy hugs me from behind. If this was a year ago, it would have been completely normal but my guts tell me something is up. I wipe my tear and face him.

"What are  you doing?" I ask him.

He stares at me and wipes my tears. "It hurts me to see you cry," he says.

"I was just reminded of Luke," I tell him.

"Are you serious right now? I thought I should be mad at Jackson for coming too close with you but I guess the real competition is someone who is not even here," he says as he step back.

"Competition?" I clarified. I knew then something was up and the actions he's showing me but I didn't really think it was serious and shoved it away because I did not want to be assuming. I don't want to let my imagination go as far as him liking me then we end up not able to restore the friendship.

"Are you that insensitive or are you just playing dumb? That guy Jackson likes you," he says. "And..." he paused.

I look at the ground trying to come up with logical excuses in my mind that he's not gonna say what he's gonna say.

"And I like you," he tells me.

There he said it. My thoughts stop from running. I am frozen. I am not prepared to be confronted like this by Troy, my bestfriend, the guy I trust and the guy whom I thought would not feel like this towards me.

"Troy..." I say, shaking.

"I don't know when I did but I just woke up one day with thoughts of you all day and I can't stop thinking about you. I already know deep inside me I feel this way even when we were still 16 but I tried to shrug it away. And my feelings for you came back and went deeper 6 months ago when I started seeing more of you and felt that you're letting me in your heart all the more," he explains.

Six months ago was when I was about to confess to Luke and I had Troy to process with all the pre-roller coaster of emotions I am going thru. He knows it all. He knew my feelings before Luke even did. And despite knowing the fact that I liked Luke then, how hurt must he be.

"What do you want me to do now that I know?" I ask him

"I'm not asking anything in return," he says. "But if you don't feel the same, I think it's best that we avoid each other first. I would need some space," he adds.

Then I started tearing up.

"That's unfair. You know I like you, but just as a friend. Just because I don't feel the same way, means that I have to lose you, too," I cry.

"You're not gonna lose me," he comforts me. "I would just need space," he adds. "I must have mistaken your actions. Don't say you don't have a heart nor don't know how to open it. You let me in without knowing it and I try to take the place you reserve for someone - someone from the past or even from the future. Your heart is beautiful that lots of guys would want to covet it. Be careful with that because it's precious," he breathes. "And thank you for showing me your heart and for letting me in," he tells me.

"Stop saying things that will make me cry," I tell him covering my face.

He hugs me as I continue to cry. I feel like I'm losing someone again. If being soft-hearted results to this, then might as well stick to not letting people in. In that way, I can still keep them with me even at a distance.

"Promise me I'm not gonna lose you," I ask him, even though I sound selfish. Of course I want him to be happy, but I don't think his happiness could be found in me.

"I'm forever here... your bestfriend," he assures me.