All These Boys and I'm Still Single

Regrets Are All Mine

I'm at work as if it is just any other normal day. Mike notices that something is wrong and gave me a bar of chocolate to comfort me.

I look at him and smiled. Tho the memories of last night is still on repeat. What's worse, is that it goes all the way down the memory lane where I am starting to regret all the actions I did. I am starting to regret of why I wasn't honest with myself that I ended up in this kind of situation.

Am I that selfish? Am i really just thinking about myself? I always thought that I'm the one hurting, that I'm the victim but the truth be told, it's me who's hurting them. I'm not considering the feelings and thoughts of people around me, especially Luke's.

Why was I afraid to be seen by him? Was I afraid that once he sees my heart and the brokenness it comes with, he's gonna leave me? Is it just him or does it also apply to everyone who wants to come close?

I did hurt Luke. And now I can't mend it because he now has Jessica who would do that. It's selfish, but I wish he didn't meet someone else. If so, then I'd still be the one who is there for him, whom he can talk to, can run to, can laugh with... can make lots of memories with.

I look at beside me, Mike who is making a latte. If Luke really cared for me, he'd tell me. Mike told me about his feelings then he does like me. Maybe Luke didn't really like me? or maybe he didn't feel he could tell it to me because I'd just reject it then and there? Plus, why do I compare Luke to Mike?

***

We only have two weeks left til I'm done with my part-time job. I'm going to The Netherlands to visit my Mom and Dad. My Dad is based there because his company assigned him overseas.

"Tori!" Mike said. "Let's have dinner together later," he says.

"What makes you think I would get dinner with you?" I ask.

"Because..." he paused. "Please?"

"No," I say firmly.

"C'mon, we don't have that much time together anymore. Why not?" he asks.

"Only if you're paying," I joked.

"I would buy the whole restaurant even!" Mike says.

Mike does come from a wealthy family but he is working in a cafe with me. I don't know why, but I have a pretty good feeling it's just because I'm here. I'm only working here because I want to open my own cafe in the future and I wanna learn the basics as a worker so that I'd know what kind of boss I want to be and what kind of atmosphere I want to have in th cafe and amongst the workers.

**********

"After you go to The Netherlands, will we see each other again?" Mike asks.

I tap his forehead with my spoon and laughed saying, "Loser. Of course, we take the same classes. And we have a whole year left together in uni."

"I was just trying to be dramatic, you didn't have to ruin it," he jokes.

"Promise me, we'll keep in touch," I say.

He was shocked at my statement. "Of course," he winks.

****

I know Mike has feelings for me and I think I might have the same too. I just don't want to ruin this friendship because he's becoming an important friend. I lost the last important guy friend I had, Luke. I don't want the same thing to happen with Mike now that I am unsure of what I'm feeling.

He assured me from the beginning that he is not in a hurry to have my heart. He simply wants to see it, and I'm not going to make the same mistake again.

Maybe it won't hurt to let him in my heart a little and let him see a glimpse of it.