For Our Broken Hearts (Book 2)

Chapter 12

When I got to math, Abriana badgered me for details. I told her the truth. The truth being that if I didn't start paying attention in class, I'd be kicked out. She bought it but continued to make sexual jokes about Rolan.

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The day had finally ended and instead of riding home with Abriana, I walked the empty hallway down to the Guidance Counsellor's Office. It was Friday and the entire population, who wasn't faculty, had her from the premise to prepare for their weekend plans. I suppose I was the only mentally unstable nerd who had to suffer through this. As I neared the office door, I wondered what kind of person I was going to have to lie to about my emotions this time around.

I took a deep breath and knocked twice. "Come in," I could hair a faint voice on the other side instruct.

I swallowed in an attempt to help my dry throat and pushed the door open. The room was medium sized and had a huge oak desk and black leather chair on one side of the wall and a long brown coach on the other, the walls were filled with pics of school achievements from athletic prowess to academic accolades. There was a wall with a door like opening that I assumed lead into another part of the office.

From this cutout emerged Rolan Gaines. I had had enough. The man who I fell in love with and was forced to say goodbye to was my teacher, my neighbor and now my fucking counselor.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," I mutter and press my fingers to my temple in distress.

"Would you mind watching your language?" He asked rhetorically before going to sit behind his desk.

My head shot up at him, "Have you lost your damn mind Rolan?" I whisper yell.

He looks at me in question.

"Let me spell this all out for you so that maybe you can begin to imagine what all this feels like to me," I hiss. "My mother dies, my father blames me and abuses me for years, I overdose, I get sent to Burkley, I meet you, I fall in love with you, you leave, you never speak to me, I get released, I come home, I find out you're my fucking teacher, then that you're my neighbor and now I'm suppose to sit with you in this room three times a week and talk about my feelings?!"

Rolan loses it at this point and stands to challenge me, "The simple answer is yes, Nicole. I have lost my mind. I spent the last year going crazy thinking about you and what we had and how I had to leave you there. You think these revelations are any easier for me? To find out that not even in an alternate timeline...." he trailed off, his voice cracking slightly. "For fuck sake Nicole, I'm as involved in this as you are. I feel it too!" He was now two feet away from me, panting.

I looked up at him, my anger subsiding slightly, I wanted to reach out and touch him. Having him this close to me felt like a dream or well, a nightmare. A nightmare where he's under my fingertips but never mine to fully hold.

"Best we can do now is run with the situation and live our lives like Burkley didn't happen," his words stung.

My eyes swelled with tears but I didn't want to cry in front of him so I looked over at the door-like slot in the wall he had emerged from earlier and briskly walked over to it.

I looked inside and it was a small art station with a nice big window looking down over the school's field. I let go of the breath I was holding and tears freely fell from my eyes now.

I could hear him behind me but dare not look.
After a moment, he took me gently by the shoulder and turned me to him. His eyes moist with tears too.

"Listen to me," he paused to wipe my tears and press his forehead against mine, "We have to let it go. I can't lose you twice. We just have to. I'm your teacher, you are my student. That's all we have now."

I had spent most of my teenage life as a super irrational person, always riding my emotions instead  of logic which is what got me into this mess in the first place. I knew this was the voice of reason so I nod frantically and cry with him. It was an intimate moment of peace, being in his arms for what would be the last time. I knew once I let go, I'd have to actually...let go.

And so I did. Rolan no longer existed to me. He was Mr Gaines and I was Ms Sinclair.

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