Hey you!
I see you seeing this
Have you ever
Felt like you didn't want to be seen?
Like disappearing
Into the nothingness you feel?
It's not like I want to kill myself
Because I don't
I don't want to die
I just want to be invisible to the bullshit
I think it's best
I self destruct
This self destructive behavior
Is causing me everything
I have lost myself again
I'm a danger to society
Don't you feel unsafe around me?
It's getting bad again
To the point I'm shutting down
I can't breathe, eat, sleep...
This depression thing is kicking my ass
I'm lying here
With the weight of the world
Upon my shoulders
I don't want to give up
But giving up
Doesn't sound so bad right about now
The facade I've placed...
Oh so gracefully, in front of your face
Is fading like the smile
That's been plastered
Across mine when I wanted to cry
What am I to do now
I have no one
No one can truly understand
How much it takes out of me
To be able to roll over
Then get out of the bed
I honestly don't think
I can do this anymore
I can't even cry anymore
Their are no tears
To wet my brown honey kiss cheeks
I don't know
How to kill these demons
But I feel them slowly eating at me
My energy is pending
Like that friend request you'll never answer
I'm in complete darkness
I'm loosing my will to live
Today wasn't a good day mentally
I fell beat down
Like the fits of that gorilla King Kong
Who climbed the Empire State Building
Smashing and smacking the planes
Right from the air
Yeah King Kong
Yeah King Kong
That's what it feels like everyone else
Is cheering against me
Beating me down
Until what you see in front of you is left
I didn't not
Want to be left alone
Especially not with my thoughts
Lately everything has been going sideways
My demons are literally sitting
On both of my lungs
I don't know
How to talk about it
Or how to feel
I have no one here to reach out too
The one person I did
Traded on me
Turned their back
Leaving me to pick up the rest of the pieces
I'm so tired of being here
I've had enough
Growth is painful
Change painful
Love painful
Nothing compares
To being stuck in this nothingness
That is somewhere you don't belong
Sometimes it help,
Sitting in the dark alone with my thoughts
Other times
It feels like my books being read aloud
~ D. Wilkerson
Tuesday June 18th, 2019
