HEATED // EGD

E I G H T

His eyes darted back and forth between each of my own. A single tear rolling down his cheeks glistened from the small light plugged into the wall. His breathing was slightly heavy as his eyes fell down upon me; his Adam's apple bobbed.

"You said you wouldn't judge..." his voice broke.

"And I'm keeping my word," I spoke softly.

How could I judge somebody when I had been feeling the same way as them for months?

I stood on my tippy toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He buried his head into the crook of my neck.

"I've got you," I whispered as I began to gently play with his hair.

"You shouldn't though. I'm just a mess, Naomi..."

"And what do I look like to you?"

"A little chihuahua."

"No." I laughed lightly. "I'm a mess too. You're not alone."

"You don't deserve to be a mess though, Naomi. That's the thing!"

"You don't deserve it either!" I proclaimed. "Ethan, I don't know how many times I will have to say it... but I'm going to say it over and over again until it gets into you thick skull. You deserve happiness, E. And don't even argue with that because deep down you know it's true."

He didn't reply to that. He pulled lightly on his lip ring as he looked away from me. Letting out a deep breath I didn't know he was holding, he shook his head lightly.

. . .

I laid on the air mattress that Dallas bought me so that I wouldn't have to sleep on the couch as I looked up at the ceiling fan above me. I watched each panel circle around and around as I laid on my back. I was calm; I wasn't over thinking anything in particular which was a relief.

I was doing better than when I came to New York, I guess my mom knew what she was doing when she sent me there. I still had my off days and days where I wanted to crawl up into a ball on the cold floor and cry, but that was better than feeling that way every day.

I wasn't at peace with what happened, and I wasn't done grieving. But I somehow managed to climb out of the bottomless pit that was my self-hatred post Wes' death.

As for Ethan, he wasn't doing much better. It had been two weeks since the day I went into his room to comfort him and if anything, Ethan had only been getting worse. He'd let me into his room, which was a plus; however, he never left his room unless it were to use the bathroom. He cycled between the same two sweat shirts and the same two sweat pants every day.

I tried to get him out of his room, but it hadn't quite worked out. I wish he could have realized he wasn't alone, but he was too stubborn to try to.

Slowly, I felt my eyelids become heavy as I drifted off into a dream.

My heart pounded against my chest as I gripped tightly each of my boys' arms. I gripped Wes' arm with one arm and Parker's with the other as my wary eyes scanned the scenery surrounding me. The bright lights below us gleamed as we dangled high off the ground.

Wes threw his head back while a loud laugh left his mouth. I knew I was being ridiculous as I jittered my knees all awhile the Ferris wheel had only moved one place from the platform.

"How are you so petrified right now?!" he wheezed, "you literally laughed throughout both the huge ass coasters at Universal! Meanwhile I shat my pants during both!"

"I don't know! Why are you so terrified of squirrels?" I laughed nervously.

"Those little shits are demons and you know it!"