The Outsiders Imagines and Preferences

Readers mom dies

Reader is not dating any of the gang in this‼️‼️

I used lyrics from Let Me Be Sad by I Prevail!❤️

I'm holding back right now
'Cause I'm numb to what's around
I miss the life I used to have with you right here
Now everything has turned to grey
And I'm blacking out the shades for now

I was standing outside, and I was freezing. It was late July and I was standing outside in a navy blue hoodie with ripped blue jeans and ankle-high army style boots. Tulsa has cold nights all year round. I stood there with one leg on the ground one on the wall with my back leaned against the hard bricks puffing on a cigarette. I breathed out a large cloud of smoke that blew in the cold star lit air and soon faded into nonexistence. It reminded me of my mother. Everything did, and right now she was the last thing I wanted to remember. I grew up in Tulsa Oklahoma with my dad, brother, cousin Two-Bit and our gang of friends I was the second youngest being only 21 days older than Ponyboy and we were both 15. My mother lived in Texas. She never let me live with her because of her medical problems. She said she'd never be able to take care of me the way she wanted. But I loved her and she loved me. She always came to visit me and we kept in touch. This visit was much different though. My mom had some serious medical problems that had her on the edge of her life recently.

Let me be sad
Even for a little while
Just a chance to catch my breath
Let me be sad
Even for a little while
'Cause it's all that I have left
When all I see are the memories, I don't want to lose a thing
Let me be sad, let me be sad

My brother came to pick me up early from school at 1:00p.m. because our mother had been shipped to the hospital. I had taken a nap when I first got there and spent the rest of the day with her. We spent hours reminiscing on the memories and times we had together. Then she told my brother, dad, and I that she loved us. And with that at 2:00a.m. she flatlined.

Can you see it in my eyes I've been distant?
'Cause I can't tell if it's the end or the beginning
I know I haven't been myself, I'll admit it
And I put up walls, so if I burned any bridges just know

You see this in movies all the time. The heart monitor has a green line that is constantly showing how the heart is beating. And how when you die the line goes flat and the machine beeps. Nobody protested when I left the room. They knew I needed space. I looked up to the sky finding no comfort in the stars and galaxies. My mom always told me if you ever miss me and I'm not there, look to the sky, we'll always see the same stars. I was torn away from my thoughts when I heard several pairs of shoes trudging towards me. I didn't look at them. I didn't need to. It was the gang.

I'm doing everything i can to try and fix it
But knowing me I'll probably miss it
These voices get so vicious
Feels like I'm rippin' stitches
I wish some days I could go back
Before life changed, it was so fast
That time is gone and I know that
So please

"Hey Two-Bit, hey boys."
I always greeted Two-Bit first, since he was literally family.
"Hey kid" Two-Bit said with a sad tone.
"Hey how uh... how's she doin' man?" Dallas asked with genuine concern for my mother.
It was 2:30 am and they were here asking about a woman they barely knew. The only one who really knew her was Two-Bit. She was only his aunt by marriage since his mother and my dad are siblings.

Let me be sad
Even for a little while
Just a chance to catch my breath
Let me be sad
Even for a little while
'Cause it's all that I have left
When all I see are the memories, I don't want to lose a thing
Let me be sad, let me be sad

I took another deep puff on my cigarette filling my lungs with the unhealthy air that radiated off of it. I tossed the cigarette on the cold hard concrete next to me.

I'm doing everything i can to try and fix it
But knowing me I'll probably miss it
These voices get so vicious
Feels like I'm rippin' stitches
I wish some days I could go back
Before life changed, it was so fast
That time is gone and I know that
All that we have is a moment
So please

A tear slid down my cheek but the boys couldn't tell. It was too dark.
"She's not"
I said with a steady voice. I was always good at talking steady even when crying. I always knew how to mask it one way or another.
They knew what I meant when I said those two words. Nobody said anything though.

Let me be sad
Even for a little while
Just a chance to catch my breath
Let me be sad
Even for a little while
'Cause it's all that I have left
When all I see are the memories, I don't want to lose a thing
Let me be sad, let me be sad

I stood on my feet and walked passed the boys. Unintentionally taking in a whiff of Johnny's cologne as I took in a deep breath as if I couldn't get any cold air in my lungs.
As if the air had frozen like water and it was impossible to breathe.
Despite the seven voices calling my name I started on my way back home not really caring if I was jumped or killed by socs.
It was a long way back to my house but I needed to clear my thoughts anyway.
My mother was gone
And there was nothing I could do about it.