The First Cut is the Deepest

Chapter 24

Three more months have passed, and I've seen actually seen Callie maybe 20 times.  Sure we text everyday, but I really miss actually getting to see her.  I still don't eat much, but I haven't cut since going to the hospital.  I feel lost with out Callie.  I feel like I'm swimming across the Atlantic, and at any moment my strength is going to give out and I'm going to drown.

*buzz buzz*

You know she's with Erica, right? --M

What the hell are you talking about Mark?  --A

Cals,  she's been practically living with Erica since she came back.  --M

Why the fuck are you telling me this?  --A   I want to cry, but at the same time I feel like I already knew it.

Because,  you need to step up your game or you won't never get her back.  --M

I'm not pushing.  If Erica's the one that makes her happy, then I want her ot be with Erica.  --A

Dude!  No you don't.  --M

I want her to be happy!  --A

Then you might as well leave, because Erica is the one that makes her happy.  Sorry, but I'm just sayin'.  --M

I know  --A

Okay  --M

But just because I know, doesn't mean it doesn't kill me.  It doesn't make me not love her.  It doesn't make me want to stop fighting.  I know I should..  All I'm doing is hurting her and myself.  But I can't stop, because it hurts even more..  --A

I don't know.  I think Erica loves her, she just doesn't know how.  I think you love her too.  But I think Erica makes her happier.  --M

Yeah.  I'm seeing that.  --A

Okay.  --M

I'm bawling.  I don't want to even think about ever not having Calliope!  But at the same time, she deserves to be happy, even if it hurts me.  I know I need to give up, and let Callie be happy.  But how do you tell the love of your life that you shouldn't love them anymore?  I wipe away the tears and begin to text.

Hey  --A

Hey  --C

Um.. I need to talk..  --A

Is everything ok?  --C

No... This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to say.  I love you, more than anything and my number one hope is for you to be happy.  Which is why you... you should pick Erica.  She obviously makes you happier.  Sure she has messed up,  but as much as I don't want to admit it,  think she really does love you, she just doesn't really know how to act.  I'll always be here for you, but I can't... I can't keep hanging on to something that we both know isn't going to happen.  I will always love you, this doesn't change that, but I think we'll be better as friends.  God, that sentence kills me!  I need you in my life, and I want you to be happy,  so I think I'm going to have to settle for being friends.  I can't compete with her.  I never have been able to.  She's the one you're IN love with,  it's always been her.  So pick her.  I'll be fine as long as we can be friends..  You're an amazing person/friend, and I couldn't live without you.  I want you to be happy, and Erica is the person you're happiest with.  "If you love somebody, let them go."  I love you so much it hurts.. so I'm going to let you go and be happy.  Please don't hate me..  --A

What happened to never giving up?  --C

You think I want to give up?  --A

Well you just did.  --C

Except I can't give up.  Because I'm still hoping that you'll fight for me to stay..  to say you love me more than Erica.  To say "I want you".  --A

No.  What ever we had is over.  I don't trust you, there's no going back.  You ended it.  --C

I can barely see through my tears.  So that's a no on the friends thing then?  --A

Yeah.  That's a no.  --C

I can't believe this!  How can she give up on us so easily!?  Did she ever really love me?  She couldn't have!  If she did she wouldn't have said that!  I can't stop crying.  It hurts so much!  I just.. I just want it all to end.  I want everything to end!