Five Times

Part 10-Alyssa

        The only sounds Alyssa could hear were the pouring rain and Emma's breathing. The clock on Emma's nightstand read 12:03 AM. As tired as she should be, Alyssa was awake as ever. She sighed and gently moved so she was leaning against the pillows, careful to not wake the sleeping girl.
        Alyssa's mother wasn't aware she was here, and she never would be. Helen Greene was out of town, and Alyssa's elderly neighbor, Mr. Meyers, was long asleep, not to mention confused, to be aware of her escapades. She wished her mother knew where she was. She wished she didn't have to lie. Alyssa hated lying. She was always honest, no matter what. If she didn't want to tell someone something, she simply didn't say anything. But just two hours prior, as Alyssa was halfway to Emma's house, her mother had texted her, asking if she was in bed. And Alyssa had said yes, like a liar.
        Alyssa desperately wanted to tell her mother this. She wanted to have someone she trusted to confide in. Alyssa wanted to have gotten advice and love from her mother when she first discovered her feelings, not have had to rely on that stupid quiz. She wanted to have received a loving answer when she phrased the hypothetical question at dinner, not with an hour long rant about sinning and tears that Alyssa buried deep. But unfortunately, she wasn't going to get that, ever.
         Emma hasn't gotten that either. Or at least, not from her parents. Her grandmother though? God, that woman was a saint. That was were they were now, at Emma's grandmother's. Because Emma couldn't tell her parents about her feelings either, they had kicked her out.
          Alyssa watched Emma as she slept. Her blonde bob feathered out on Alyssa's chest, her glasses laid askew on her face. Alyssa smiled. It bothered her so much, but if she woke Emma up...
No. She knew for a fact that Emma was not a morning person. Alyssa doubted she was a woken-up person either. They had been dating for seven months now. They had been dating publicly for zero. That was how it had to be for two girls in love in Edgewater, Indiana. Especially if one of those girls had a mother like Helen Greene.
         What if things were different? It was something Alyssa often asked herself. What if they weren't in Edgewater? What if nobody actually gave a crap? But it wasn't different. Alyssa would still live in Indiana for two more years, and people would still care way too much for the rest of time.
          Alyssa shook her head. Don't focus on that. She told herself. Focus on Emma. And so Alyssa listed of all the things she loved about Emma Mary Nolan.
She loved the way Emma's hair sparkled in the sun, the look she got when she cleaned her glasses, the scrunched up little squint. She loved the way Emma's hands felt in her own, her calloused fingers gripping Alyssa's soft ones. She loved Emma's heavenly voice and every single cover she posted on YouTube, especially because she knew how much it took Emma to post them. She loved Emma's cute little tummy, and her laugh whenever Alyssa poked it, just to make Emma squeal. But most of all, Alyssa loved how brave Emma was. How even though the kids at school, including Alyssa's own friends, stuck nasty notes in Emma's locker and called her "dyke" like it was her new name, and the fact that she was kicked out by her own parents, just for being brave enough to tell them who she really was, Emma was still kicking. She still showed up with a proud face and she still loved Alyssa with all her soul, despite having to keep it a secret. Alyssa wished she had that kind of courage.
         "I love you." The words came out before Alyssa could stop them, but she didn't try to. It was true. Everything she had ever said about Emma were one-hundred percent true. Alyssa loved Emma Nolan, and nothing, not even her mother, would ever change that.