Time is Precious

Traffic Jam

"Traffic Jam" by A. E. F.

Copyright 2019 All Rights Reserved.

"A 30-minute delay is to be expected on I-95 due to a down tree across the Northbound lanes," the traffic announcer says, coming over my speakers as I sit impatiently behind the wheel of my idling SUV. "Cleaning crews are on the scene, but if you're heading North, you're in for a bit of a wait. Let's hope none of you need a bathroom break. It's going to be a while, folks."

"Thanks a lot, Herb," I grumble to myself out-loud. "Now what do I do? Doesn't Mother Nature know I have an important meeting to get to this morning?"

Sighing, I check my rear-view mirror and roll my eyes at the jam-up around me. There was an exit about a half a mile back, but with all the cars behind me there is no way I can reverse in my lane and get to it. I'll just have to sit here and stew until the workers ahead do their job.

The newcaster drones on about the latest political drama plaguing Washington as I pull down my visor to check on my reflection. Ugh. I need to do my roots. Gray hairs are sprouting up like weeds in an unkempt garden. Frustrated, I hit a button on my steering wheel to change the station. The oldies channel comes on and I laugh.

"Paradise City? Really?" I ask the DJ, despite the fact that he can neither hear nor answer me. "Since when does GN'R qualify as a golden oldie band?"

With nothing better to do, I turn up the volume and enjoy a mental road-trip down memory lane, when heavy metal had nothing to do with mercury or lead, and everything to do with long-haired boy bands, leather pants and electric guitars. All manner of things from my youth pop into my conscious like an endless stream of water racing down a rapid riverbed...

Strawberry Shortcake, Barbie, and Jem. Cabbage Patch Kids, Smurfs, Wuzzles, and Popples. Watchimacallits and Hugga-Bunch.

Frogger, Q-Bert, and Donkey Kong. Transformers vs. the GoBots. Mighty Mouse, Wonder Woman, the Batmobile and a Rubik's Cube. Lite Brite, Matchbox and Sit N Spin.

V, Star Wars, E. T. and Star Trek. Knight Rider, Dukes of Hazzard, and Herbie the Love Bug.

Debbie Gibson and New Kids On The Block.

He-Man, She-Ra, Scooby-Doo and Scrappy, too! Tom & Jerry, Care Bears, and My Little Pony. Snorks.

Punky Brewster, The A-Team, MacGyver, Airwolf, and Magnum P.I.

Hungry Hippos, Candy Land and Simon Says. Double-dutch, Chinese jump rope and Cat's Cradle. Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, Dominoes and 52-Card Pick-Up. Uno, Old Maid and Go Fish. Baseball cards and Garbage Pail Kids.

Stay outta the Pet Cematary, Christine. I've heard evil lurks about there. It can't help but scare you to death. While we're on that note, watch out for the men of nightmares: Michael, Freddie and Jason. They'll hack you to bits in the blink of an eye.

Apple McIntosh and IBM. Cassettes, CDs, Camcorders, Beta, VHS and DVD. Microwaves, Analogs, and floppy disks. The Casio G-shock, Le Clic cameras, Swatch watches, and Polaroids. Viewmaster 3-D Viewers, the Little Professor Texas Instrument calculator, and the Zack Morris phone.

Atari, Nintendo and Sega.

Lassie, Spuds McKenzie and Cujo.

V.C. Andrews, The Babysitters Club, and Sweet Valley High. Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing, and Tiger Eyes.

Just Another Brick in the Wall, on The Dark Side of the Moon sitting Comfortably Numb with my Black Dog, waiting to walk the Stairway to Heaven while wearing Kashmir. I Wish You Were Here with me while Floyd and Zep play their timeless favorites.

Monchichis, Mogwais and Gremlins. Weeble Wobbles, Slinkies, Etch-A-Sketch, Rainbow Brite, and Dolly Pops. Hollie Hobbie, and The ThunderCats.

The Outsiders, The Lost Boys, Red Dawn, Rocky, and The Goonies.

Family Ties, Gilligan's Island, and Three's Company. Never been to Beverly Hills but loved 90210, and Melrose Place.

Sixteen Candles wasn't my thing, but Dawson's Creek was great.

Sandy and Danny,
Johnny and Baby,
Jack and Rose,
forever in our hearts.

Razzles, Lemonheads, Fun Dip. Gobstoppers, Bottle Caps, Dots. Pixie Sticks, Blow Pops, and Candy Necklaces. Snoopy Sno-Cones, and Melody Pops.

Down the shore; Mack's Pizza, Douglas Fudge and Mariner's Landing. Morey's Pier, and water slides. Funnel cakes, fried Oreos, and frozen custard with chocolate jimmies.

"All have an ice cream!" He bellowed across the sands. "Fudgie Wudgies, Orange Creamsickles and Ice Cream Sandwiches. All have an ice creaaammm!"

Get in Shape Girl, Walkmans, and Boom Boxes. Trivia Pursuit, Teddy Ruxpin, and Super Mario Brothers. BMX bikes, and The Breakfast Club. My Child Dolls, Sweet Secrets Charms, and Pound Puppies. G.I. Joe, The Incredible Hulk, and Ghostbusters. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Z. Cavariccis, Drakkar Noir, and Doublemint Gum. Exclamation!, Jellies shoes, neon clothes, and hi-top sneakers. Banana clips, and a wall of bangs. Kissing Koolers, Aquanet and Stiff Stuff. Acid-washed, high-waist jeans, leather bomber jackets, flannel, and half-tops. Jelly bracelets and charm necklaces.

Running all day, hanging with friends. Talking on the phone all night.

Being grounded.

Beepers and flip phones. Souped-up cars with fancy rims, worn-down hoopties, and large-wheeled monster trucks.

Late-night dining at Denny's with the gang.

Z.Z. Top, Bon Jovi, Mötley Crüe and GN'R all playing on MTV...

As my mind fast-forwards to present day, I smile when the traffic begins moving again. Maybe this jam-up wasn't such a bad thing after all.

_______________

Note: All movies, TV shows, toys, cards, other games and entertainment devices, music bands and songs, technologies, clothing lines, cologne and perfume brands, edibles, restaurants, amusement parks, bike and book title rights belong to their original owners and are trademarked and/or copy-written. I'm listing them here, not to claim any ownership or to try to endorse or promote them. They are simply part of a list; one of fond memories and great experiences from my youth.