The Doctor's Heart

The first loss

Riza couldn't really here anything but the roar. It was like the roar of the ocean when you're submerged under her waves. She stared through the large window, blandly. Tears long dried and left dried up rivers down the planes of her cheeks. She did the hospital a honor of taking off the bloody surgery clothes before coming here and traumatizing the patients. She stared forward at the small faces. Pink and unblemished. Innocent of the world. Some slept and some cried and some stared back at Riza in wonder. She missed how it felt holding one of them. The small precious bundle to pure for this world. Each had its own cradle, wrapped in pink or blue. How could something so new and innocent exist in a place of death? Riza wondered.

Numb, that's what she felt. Riza grasped the word and held tight. Numb because she failed her duty to save him. It was her job and she failed them. She failed him. Riza bit her trembling lip. She jerked her watering eyes up when someone sat beside her. Riza was suddenly acute of the bustling noises of the hospital. She took a stuttering breath as she tried to summon words and said. "Did you know that I came here with him?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Riza ran down the hallway, tying her hair back. The nurses pulled Johnny out of his room. She ran to his side, checking his vitals as quickly as she could. "Johnny, can you hear me? Find a reason to live and fight for it! I need you to focus on it and fight, if you loose your will to live... I can do nothing for you." Riza growled. "Get Lucy down here. Come on, Redfern!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"No." Yasopp was standing there outside Johnny's room, watching Riza and the nurses work to mobilize the patient. He must've heard the commotion, he was holding a cafeteria tray. "Riza? Will he live? What's wrong?"

"He's alive for now, you should tell the crew."  Riza muttered, she should have stayed at the hospital. Just slept in an on call room. That was the purpose of those rooms. Even if she had Redfern on over night duty. Tired or not. It was her job... He looked alright when she left him, earlier... "Tell them to be ready. Organ rejection, this early on... This isn't a good sign. Go on, I'll send a nurse to find you for an update when I can."

Riza scrubbed in and stepped inside the OR with Redfern at her side. "Damn." She whispered at the sight of Johnny laying on her operating table. "This isn't good."

"Prepare to put him on bypass. We need to reopen him." Lucy ordered the nurses.

"Is there hope?" Riza asked, stalking to the table. She forced herself to shut down that part of her, the doctor and the friend. To only rely on the surgeon as she helped reopen the fresh stitches. Riza had to be her best for Johnny, she would be better than her best.

Lucy's gaze flickered up to meet Riza's across the table. "Doubtful."

Riza sucked in a shaky breath but nodded. She glanced back to see that Redfern hadn't joined them at Johnny's side. "Come, Redfern. If you want to join
the crew, you got to be able to handle this. To operate on those you eat lunch and laugh with. To operate on your Nakama." All you need to do is hold it together until they are put back together, Riza added, silently for herself.

"I'm good. How can I help?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"With who, Riza?" A smooth feminine voice answered and Riza clicked the pieces together to recognize Alice. Of course, she would be here. This was her department, a nurse probably told her about the violet haired trauma surgeon crying in front of the babies. The department wasn't hers when they came here. Or it was hers for a time before he-.