The Smith Organization

Chapter 28

Sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I don't really know where I want to go with this anymore!

Emma

The month was up. 

It was time to make a decision.

I don't know what I want and I feel like shit. I want to be free, but I want my mate. I don't want him to give up his life, but I don't want to give up my freedom. I need to find a middle ground, a compromise. But I don't know. I'm barely twenty-two years old and I'm having a middle life crisis already.

With the mate bond, everything feels natural with Alec. I could see myself by his side. But I have the Smith Organization, Mom trusted me with it. I don't want to let her down. But I cannot have both. Even if I take Alec up on his offer to leave the throne and join me, I would feel guilty for making him give up his birth-right and he would have problems adjusting, especially with the Smith Organization being rogues.

Why is making decisions so hard?

Alec knew that today was the day and had warned me that he planned to leave me alone to think. I'm grateful for that. He wanted me to make a decision without added pressure. Not a lot of mates are willing to do that when it's the mate bond that they are talking about. I still don't know what to do and I have no one to turn to it. 

I just need to think about this rationally: 

First off, I want my mate. The mate bond is too strong. It's been clear for a long time that I want him. When I first came to the castle, I had my own room in a different wing. That only lasted two days until I moved into the room next to Alec. That took another three days before I couldn't sleep anymore. We ended up sharing a bed most nights to able to see. Alec even admitted that ever since I was fighting him, he usually got around two hours of sleep a night until he asked doctors to sedate him.

Secondly, I can't have my mate and the Smith Organization. He's Royal Blood and therefore can't be my partner in charge of a ROGUE organization. I need to pick one and it seems that I want my mate more than I want to be in charge of my mother's legacy. So, it appears that I will be stepping down from a leadership.

Thirdly, Alec offered to give up the throne to be with me. Even if I don't particularly want to be Alpha Queen, I won't make my mate give up something that he loves. My past month here showed me that. He cared so much for every pack and worked so hard to make it safe. It might not seem that way to rogues, but there are so many packs in North and South America, he can't control every detail. By the time that he knows an injustice happened, he cannot locate the now rogue wolves to fix it. And I met all the other potential successors and they're all disasters. Therefore, I can't make him to do that. I won't be selfish.

So, where does that leave me?

I want my mate, so I can't be in charge of the Smith Organization. I can't be in the Smith Organization if I want my mate to keep the throne, that's a violation of interests if I want to keep my mate as well as him keeping his throne. I know that some rogues are violent and need to be killed, but if I am in both the Royal Pack and the rogue Organization, I will always feel torn. 

Fuck, this is why I don't like making decisions.

I'm all over the place, I just know that I want my mate. I want to be with him and most importantly sleep with him. I have been getting frustrated in more ways than one lately. It's not my fault that Alec is so damn attractive and I want to jump his bones every time I see him, but I can't. Not until I decide how I am going to be his mate, that leads into my current predicament.

Lying on my bed, not moving because I'm lazy, I am left with only my thoughts. I am not sure that it's a good thing though because my thoughts can go so pretty crazy places. I'm getting off topic. Choice, mates, decisions, that's what I'm supposed to be thinking about.