The World According to Jessie

Chapter Nineteen

"...Goodbye Lillian – I love you..."

Wednesday morning showed its face by streaming gorgeous sunlight through the window of the bar. I didn't sleep the previous night, so I decided to go for a drink to try and clear my head. With Lillian still in the house, all the alcohol was locked away when The Barflies decided that enough was enough and actually went home or back to their rooms, so the strongest thing on offer was coffee. This was ok because it was decaff. I don't think Grandma Nicki had put anything caffeinated in her mug for several years which definitely helped. I was sleepy but I just couldn't shut my eyes. Instead I just stared out of the window and watched the sun rise.

I knew what was happening today and I hated the very thought of it. But it was something that had to be done. I had talked to Simon over the phone for at least two hours during the night, hoping to convince myself that the decision my Grandparents made was actually the right one. I knew in my heart it was, but I still felt sick to the stomach. Life without Lillian wasn't worth imagining, I had grown up with her. She was more like my sister than my Aunt it was just the way it had always been. Change was a bit scary for me and this was a massive change.

I sighed and drained the last dregs of my cold coffee and stretched myself as I got up from the chair. I walked over to the window and nodded to the Hotel opposite who were quiet and sombre themselves. They obviously sensed what was going on by the less than usual quietness that emulated from our own bar the previous night. Even though The Barflies attended in their usual droves, they were quiet and remorseful when Granddad Mel regaled them with the story of Lillian missing out certain details of course.

For some unknown reason, I sent a text to Tristan during the night telling him what was going on. He didn't reply and I wasn't expecting him to, I just needed to tell him. In my head, I had never felt so useless. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to University, left Blackpool or become a writer. Maybe Lillian was right and this beautiful town full of Candy Floss and Hen Parties was just enough to keep you happy. The last three and a half weeks had been challenging but I had also smiled, reconnected in my family in a way I never thought I would and I also wrote to my heart's content. I had everything I wanted right here and now. Why did I even want to go back to London?

My own thoughts were broken by the sound of the door to the bar opening. I turned around and smiled after seeing that it was indeed the man who was making me happy right now. Simon's hair was neat but only just, the bags under his eyes gave away the fact that he had had about as much sleep as me over the last couple of days. He didn't say hello, just walked up to me and slid his arms around my shoulders pulling me in close to him. He felt warm and safe and I didn't want to let go.

'Have you been down here all night?' he asked, finally breaking the silence.

'Yes.' I mumbled into his chest. 'I couldn't sleep.'

'Me neither.' Simon replied, finally letting me go much to my reluctance. 'This is a rotten day isn't it?'

'It's bloody awful.' I sighed, as the two of us sat down on the nearest chairs we could find. 'Listen sweetheart, I know you told me to go to bed after I phoned you but I just couldn't.'

'It's ok.' Simon said, placing his hand on top of mine. 'To be honest I didn't expect you to.'

'I'm just trying to get my head around it that's all.' I sighed. 'I can't believe this is happening. I mean I know... I know that Lil has a problem but... are you sure this is the only way?' I was stumbling over my words now, it was getting pathetic. Simon, thankfully, understood how I was feeling.

'My darling,' he began. 'I will tell you the same thing that I told you last night. Lillian needs professional help. I can only do so much and believe me, if it was in my power; I would have her stay here and help her get well. But there's no more that I can do. Besides, look how much alcohol is stored behind that counter. If Mel and Nicki had to get rid of all that just because Lillian is an alcoholic who wouldn't get help, then they would go belly up. The regulars would have to go opposite.'