Your Raspberry Lips

elephant in the dark

i've been sad a long time. you see, after being lost and alone for so long, it begins to become a part of you. the darkness seeps into your blood, splitting your fragile bones. the cold cracks your lips, it chills your blood, hardens your core. you were once a raging fire, one that burned so fiercely, it took down forests. now? now you are fog. heavy, lingering over the world, unable to touch the skies, unable to plant your feet on the ground. your skin feels monumental. it takes an immense amount of strength just to lift your eyelids, a strength you no longer have. you soon realize that your bed is your new home. so you stay, you remain a motionless lump under the covers. sweat beads at your forehead, it runs down your neck. your body aches. it begs for you to move. it pleads for fresh air. but of course, you can't. you try, try to move, try to get up. but there's an elephant on your chest. it watches you with beady red eyes that glare into your soul. it slowly reaps your body of its life. leaving you unable to speak, unable to breathe, unable to think. you're stuck. stuck in your bed. stuck in the darkness. stuck in this mindset. you can try to leave, try to push the elephant off, try to cage it. but it always comes back. you can fake a smile, put on a show, pretend it's not there. but darling, it never lasts. you see, elephants don't like to be caged. that elephant cannot be contained. it will lash out, its blood will boil. it will come back with a new vengeance. it will drown you in your despair. holding you under, forcing you to keep your eyes open. you have no choice but to watch your family and friends from below. it demands you observe their joy. you try to scream, try to cry for help, but the sound dissipates with the air bubbles. you fight it, you try so hard. but the elephant always wins. the water turns murky from the struggle. you begin to lose sight of the world, of everything that once made you happy, of everything that made you, you. you are nothing. you show no emotion. no glee, no woe. you are numb. finally, the elephant releases you. you are free. but for what? what is there left in the world? your eyes are lifeless. you have been stripped of your personality. all that's left now is a hollow emptiness. the elephant is gone, but the sorrow remains. you can ask for help, you can try to get better. but there's no point. you're too far gone. you start to question whether or not having delight is something you are even capable of anymore. there's nothing holding you back from being happy. except... there is. it's microscopic, but it's there. it has implanted itself in your brain. it's rewired your systems. your feet begin to lead you. they take you back. back to your bed. back to the elephant. no, back to your elephant. you need this elephant. it belongs to you. no, you belong to it. you begin to forget the past. forget the joy that once sparked so blissfully in your life. all you remember are the tragedies. you lose connection with the people around you. after all, they were never there for you. you see, that's what it makes you think, the parasite in your brain. it makes you believe that no one cares because they were never there, because they never tried to help. when, in reality, no one knew you needed it. all you have is the elephant. it has always been there for you. it always will be. you no longer fear the elephant in the dark. instead, you welcome it with open arms. you engulf yourself in this sadness that you fought for so long. this is you.