Your Raspberry Lips

a pulsing heart beat

this is dedicated to the boy who stole my heart, the same boy who will never love me back, no matter how hard i try.

beckoning desires, they tug at my soul. i'm falling, falling, falling. my heart pulses with the rhythm of the ocean. the waves crashing down in one endless motion. chaos erupts in my head. my emotions are withering away. slowly, surely, undoubtedly, my mind is losing control. control. what is control? they say stay away. they say you're no good. a fire ignites in my throat. my lungs are screaming. give me air, they cry. alas, you are my air. my mind, the smoke. i beseech your touch. the caring nature of your hands as they link with mine. i no longer feel. my conscience is detached from my soul. your voice is deafening in my ears. your gravitational pull is dragging me closer and closer. like a switch, i shut off my affection. i become incapable of love, just to resist you. tears flood my cheeks. a feeling of angst washes over my body. i can't get rid these thoughts. they're cemented to my head. i try, i try so hard to block them out, but i can't. your scent haunts my nose. your voice remains implanted in my brain. i never liked my name much, that is, until I heard you say it. the tips of my fingers tremble fiercely. you're an addiction. this is my withdrawal. my breaths are labored. i need you. my lips are purple. please, come back. my eyes are bloodshot from the sobbing. so, so much sobbing. what am i going to do? i am lost. i have never been so disoriented. my feelings are irretrievable, irrevocable. my heart is that of a festering wound. it beats frantically in my chest, filling the cold, broken silence in the room. thump. thump. thump. thump. my eyes remain vacant, staring, lifelessly, hopelessly at everything in my life that has suddenly transformed into nothing. you left a cavity in my heart. i try- try to fill it. try to repair myself. but you were my light in the dark. a place once buzzing with life and enjoyment now remains vacant, empty, abandoned, forgotten. i'm lost beyond the point of return. i thought- i thought it was going to be okay. i thought you'd stay. i was wrong. i wanted you to stay. i needed you to stay. don't worry though, no one expected you to. i have to keep telling myself it's better this way. that you're better off. and it's true, i'm poisonous. i slowly exhaust everyone i come across. draining them until they feel like me, isolated, depressed, alone, unwanted, unloved.