Adopted by Katie Mcgrath

Chapter 13

After a week or so, I kept on having nightmares so Colin and Katie decided to take me to a therapist.

"Do we have to go?" I asked putting my boots on.

"Clem, you know we don't have a choice. You're not sleeping, barely eating. Come on," Colin said opening the door, I walked out and got into the back seat while Katie and Colin got into the front. The car journey was pretty dull, I didn't speak at all, I just looked out the window listening to music trying to take my mind off what was to come.

As we arrived at the centre I became 'closed off' as Katie and Colin would put it. It's not my fault I get shy around new people and hate being thrust into situations which I don't want to be in, with people I don't know.  "Hi," Dr wells greeted us, "you must be Clemence," he said putting out his hand. I just moved further behind Colin. "Okay..." he continued putting his hand back down, "Please this way to my office," he said gesturing down a corridor.

As we entered the office we sat in chairs that faced Dr Wells desk. "So what's been happening?" he asked looking towards me. I stayed silent and looked at Katie.

"She's been having nightmares most nights and isn't really eating," she explained while Dr Wells took notes.

"And did this start when the incident happened?" he continued. I shook my head. Colin and Katie looked at me. Great.

"I've been having the nightmares since I was put in the system but they became worse when you guys adopted me," I didn't want them to think they caused the nightmare I continually have every night.

"It says in your file that you've self-harmed before? Would you like to elaborate?" he asked. Not really but I don't have a choice do I?

"I was in a bad place. Okay? Do you know how hard it is not having a family constantly moving knowing you're no good for anyone? Or how you can't sleep because every time you do you dream about all the bad stuff that has happened in your short life? Or how you can't make friends because everyone knows you as the kid who can't be loved or the kid who has been in and out of the police station just for defending other children from abusive carers? I was in a bad place, I can't help what I did. And quite frankly I don't really mind because it to anyone else it doesn't matter, and it didn't hurt" I shouted, and instantly regretted it. I could feel Katie and Colin's shocked expressions as Dr Wells moved on to the next question.

"And have you ever had panic or anxiety attacks before?" he asked, I nodded, "And when did they start?" he said, still taking notes.

"Since I can remember. They started with my dad. But I hadn't had one in about two years before I was adopted," God, Clemmie stop talking! You're just making things worse.

Dr Wells closed his file, "I think, Clemence has too much pressure. It's very common in children especially teenagers from the foster system, as they think they have to be perfect and they usually get turned back. It might be best if she is around children more. I suggest sending her to school and not on set school,"

"Can I go to an acting school?" I asked.

"I would suggest not, it just adds more pressure onto you. Less acting, for the time being, might help her get into a sleeping pattern and it will certainly deduce any extra stress. I would also like you to take some medication to deduce your anxiety and possible depression if that's okay" he explains.

After the appointment, we headed home. I was so mad, acting helps me escape and pretend to be someone who has a completely different life to me. When we got to the apartment I headed to my room, tomorrow I would have a meeting with the producers. I decided to watch Jurassic Park on my tablet to pass time as I wasn't going into work for god knows how long. 

I was at the part where the T-Rex was fighting the Raptors when I heard a knock at my door, it was Katie. "Clem are you alright?" she asked. Yeah, I'm fine besides the fact that my life has just been ruined.

"Leave me alone," I replied and rolled over facing the wall. I heard her come further into the room.

"Okay, we need to talk. Now," 

"No, I don't. You've wrecked my life, I was coping. If you two didn't take me there I would have been fine, I would wake up tomorrow and go and do the one thing I love to do, and now I can't because I'm apparently messed up and weak,"

"Clem you were breaking down every other day on set, we were worried about you and it doesn't make you weak-" she explained

"Just stop! Okay?! I can look after myself I've been doing it all my life. I don't need some perfect rich couple to come and whisk me away to some fantasy land where everything is fine and happy. I didn't ask for this so please just leave me alone," I said tearing up. Come on Clem keep it together you can't show you're weak.

"Clem-"

"Didn't you hear me? I don't want or need you. Just. Leave. Me. Alone.," I said turning back over to continue watching the movie. Katie got up and left. I instantly felt bad. God, Clem why can't you just control yourself. Anything you say will upset people. 

After about ten minutes I headed into the corridor to go and apologise to Katie. As I exited my room I heard crying, Katie's crying.

"I just don't know what to do with her one minute she wants us the next she hates us for caring about her. I just want what's best for her, but she's making this so hard, I don't know how much more I can take," she cried.

"Hey, don't you go down that route," Colin said. Route? What route? "Remember she's been through a lot, it is just going to take time. She will be difficult and stubborn," he continued, "Why don't we head to bed, it's been a long day," he said getting up off the sofa. I headed back into my room. What was I going to do? I got my old backpack out from the bottom of my wardrobe and stuffed it with the necessities and headed to the only other place I knew.