Violin ≛ Seo Changbin

competition

The day of her competition finally came. I arrived at the concert hall to see her dressed in a simple black gown. Despite it being minimalistic, she somehow managed to pull it off and look incredibly elegant.

The area was crowded with many other families and violinists preparing for the competition to begin as well.

"Binnie! Thanks for coming and supporting me," she said.

"Of course I would come," I replied. I also greeted her parents, to which they returned the action.

As the competition was about to start, I followed her parents into the auditorium and chose a seat with them. Competitors had to go separately from everyone else, so she wasn't able to join us in watching the show.

I wish I could say I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the musicians play, but sadly that would be a lie. Everyone had to play the same exact song, and after hearing it so many times I nearly fell asleep.

I flipped through the concert program for the hundredth time and realized it was nearly her turn. She went pretty close to last because of where her last name landed alphabetically.

I was getting nervous for her, despite the fact that I wasn't even the one competing. As boring as this contest seemed to me, there was no denying how talented these people were too. I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

Then, at the corner of my eye, I noticed her standing across the auditorium outside the backstage door. She was pacing around in circles, clearly uneasy. She rubbed her face in her hands before opening the door and stepping in falteringly.

Me, being my worried self, excused myself from her parents and headed over there. I entered through the backstage door without much thought and immediately searched the area for her. Multiple violinists swarmed the room, but I saw her sitting in a secluded corner, far in the back.

She had her legs pulled to her chest and her head meekly hung over her knees. Her violin laid abandoned on the floor next to her. Upon stepping closer, I noticed her shoulders shuddered as if she was having trouble breathing.

I hurried over to her and place my hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

She only shook her head and curled up even further. 

I noticed a few tears dripping off her chin and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach seeing her in this state. "Shh, it's okay. What's wrong?" I asked. She dropped her head down even lower and didn't say a word. I tried to soothe her and encourage her, but she didn't respond at all. She was so eerily quiet it almost scared me. I lifted her chin with my finger and moved my palms to cup her face. I wiped away her tears with my thumbs. "Hey, talk to me," I said gently.

She took in a deep breath, but it was shaky and uneven. "I...I can't do this competition anymore. I'm scared. After seeing all those people in the crowd and all my competitors... I just lost all my courage."

"I know you're worried, but I also know how important this competition is for you. You can't give up now. You gotta be brave, just like how you were at the talent show," I said. 

"But this is so much different than the talent show! This isn't the same as performing in front of a bunch of my classmates. There are real judges out there to critique me, dozens of other violinists I'm competing against will be watching my every move. I just can't do it." She pulled herself away from me, her breathing more unsteady the more she spoke. Her voice cracked as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

I took her small form into my arms, but she turned stiff as she cried. I didn't say a word, only stayed in that position silently. I felt like an idiot. She was having a panic attack and I had no idea what to do. "Can you promise me something?" She didn't reply so I continued talking anyway. "Promise me you'll go on that stage and play the best you can, and if you're feeling uneasy or nervous, just find me in the crowd. I'll be there watching you and supporting you, along with your parents, okay? Can you do that?" I spoke softly.