When We Were Us

Falling for Finn

Kissing Finn had been undeniably amazing.But I found myself feeling disturbed by my reaction to him.It was like I was a complete different person.I wasn't the shy,introverted and nerdy nobody that I know I really am.When I was with Finn, I felt like I was really the confident, smart and outgoing person he said I was.I knew he was a distraction, one I couldn't afford right now.But when he walked me home, kissed me goodnight and asked to see me the next day, I readily agreed.So I saw him, this time alone, on Saturday and Sunday(although I had planned on going back to college then) and they were both a repeat of Friday.He took me out for drinks and I couldn't refuse the drinks he offered this time either.We ended up getting drunk and making out just like the first time.

I missed my first class on Monday marring my perfect attendance record.That served as a wake-up call.I was set on ignoring Finn.But by Thursday, I caved to Finn's sweet texts asking me to come for the weekend. After a 110km trip,I was back to visit Finn.

Waiting for him to arrive at our rendezvous,I was surprised to find that I had butterflies,which was new.When Finn finally arrived,I felt all the nerves leave.He made me feel so damn comfortable.

I started automatically heading towards the bar where we first met and which was Finn's usual haunt.Finn stopped me.

"No drinking today.I wanna get to know you.Let's go grab some coffee."Finn said.

"What?Huh?" I was perplexed.

"I know you love getting me drunk and taking advantage of me.But how about we do some actual conversing from time to time."

"Wh...?Huh?" I was left speechless.Finn burst into laughter.

"I love teasing you.Let's go."He said and grabbed my hand. He took me to a cafe and just like the bar,all the waitresses seemed to know him.I made a side-comment about that,feeling unsure about how to feel about that.

"You and I can never understand how hard it is to waiter.Imagine spending your entire day on your feet dealing with rude customers.I know it's not much but I feel like a friendly face and a smile here and there can go a long way." Finn told me.

Once again I found myself thinking that Finn wasn't at all what he seemed at first glance.Finn asked me questions apparently making good on wanting to get to know me.But I felt weird answering all the personal questions about myself, especially the ones about my family.But since he didn't seem to mind talking about his family, I decided to try to make an effort.It felt like a first date, like a real first date with two people who had just met trying to get to know each other.It also felt like an interrogation.

"Name?"He asked me.

"You don't know my name?I knew it.You call me baby because you don't remember my name!"I accused him.Finn laughed.

"May, do you know my last name?"He asked me.

"Oh,ah,I guess not.What is your last name?"I asked him.

Finn Blake.His name was Finn Blake.I made fun of him for having two first names.But Finn wouldn't get sidetracked. He was intent on finding out things about me.

So I told him about which schools I'd gone to and college life.I told him a bit about what I wanted to do in life and what my plans were. I told him about my sister in Dubai and a bit about my parents.

"So do you still live with your parents?" He asked me.

"I'm in college nine months out of the year.I go back home during the summers but it's kind of like living alone.My parents are both busy with work.My dad even has a bed in his office in case his late nights get really late.At least I get to see Mom on the weekends.But Dad is super busy even then.Sometimes it feels like having divorced parents." I stopped myself before I could say anything more.I hated talking about my family and I felt like I had already said too much.

Finn must have sensed my awkwardness because he offered a sympathetic smile.

"That must feel lonely.At least I have Nev still living with me.Dad passed away after Nev was born and I was two.I barely remember him.But we were a big family, six siblings. Mom got remarried and moved away.It was Kylie, the eldest, who really raised us."

"Oh."I said."You said you have five siblings.Where are they now?"

"Kylie had put her education on hold to raise us.Once we were old enough to take care of ourselves,she moved abroad to continue her education.She's working on getting her masters now. Rim, the second eldest, is married and expecting his first child.He was a bit of a ladies' man so no one expected him to be the first one to settle down.Hanna...Hanna didn't get along with the rest of us much.She's in college and lives with Mom and her family when she's here.Dave, well, he's always been the troublemaker.He dropped out of school a long time ago.He's also expecting his first kid.He's not married though.He's currently living in his girlfriend's parents basement.But she's a new girlfriend.He's not on good terms with his baby's mama. And then there's the kid,Nev, and me,holding down the fort."

"Wow."It was all that I could say. And I thought I had a complicated family.

After getting to know each other,Finn offered to walk me home.We were in my neighborhood when Finn suggested something.

"A friend of mine lives around here."He said.

"Okay."I said not really sure where things were going.

"He's actually away and his house is empty.He gave me the keys."Finn said. I started feeling nervous.

"And?"

"How about we drop by there?"Finn said.I knew it was a bad idea.I had to say no.But one look at Fin and I couldn't resist.

"Erm,okay,sure,why not?"

We went to his friend's house and as soon as we went in,Finn grabbed me and kissed me.Next thing I know he was on top of me on the living room couch.But when he unzipped my pants,I froze.

"Finn,no!"I said.To his credit h backed off immediately.

"I'm sorry,I'm not ready."I said.Finn looked angry.I knew it,I knew what he wanted from the beginning.He just wanted to get me into bed.I knew the kind of boy he was.Yet I let him charm me and...

"Don't you ever say sorry."He said.

"What?"

"Don't ever apologize for not giving something that was yours to give in the first place."He said.

I was flabbergasted.That was not the reaction I had expected.I was wrong.Finn wasn't the typical playboy trying to get into my pants.

Oh good God,I think I'm falling for him.And for once nothing, not even school, mattered and instead of feeling panic,I felt joy.