Monochrome Masquerade

Gods Will

March 1st: 1891

Sunday mass.

I find myself attending more often than ever now.

Sometimes rather than listening to the Father talking about the bible, I find myself looking at the crucifix behind him. Looking around the room at the eyes of God. Here I felt safe, I felt close to my maker and to the hand who guided me.

The weaver of my destiny.

As I looked at the stained glass window in front of me, I couldn't stop thinking about the knife. If you are watching me Jack, you know I always keep that knife on me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I felt that call once more, the serpents call. Now that you are dead I don't think it's you. God used that call to bring me to our first meeting, is he calling for me once more. I followed the call, yet I felt no need to move my body. So I didn't. I turned my head to what God wanted me to see.

The Alter.

I, yet again, had flashes of the knife in my mind, the image so very clear.

So this is what God wants of me?

I waited till the Father had finished speaking and left with the others. I went to my mother's grave.

Kneeling into the dirt before it, my head bowed in respect.

"I hope to see you soon, mother. I pray that God grants me mercy. I pray that God grants me access into his Kingdom. Either way, if I do not join you, I will go to Hell and be with my beloved Serpent. I am happy, Mother. I hope to see you soon"

I stood from my mother's grave, placing a kiss upon it before moving on to the next plot over. I buried Jack right next to her. I once more, kneeled into the dirt with my head bowed.

"I don't think I need words to express my feelings, Jack. You always knew me so well, So instead I grant you knowledge. That nobody will ever feel my warmth, except for you. Nobody will ever touch my lips in the way that you have. For today, I may be joining you. Wish me luck Jack. See you soon, my fallen Angel."

I stood from his grave side, placing a kiss upon it as well.

I re-entered the church, this time empty. I noticed something had changed. When the father was speaking, the only light in the room was natural with some candles. Yet now with the candles blown out, it is somehow lighter.

The sunbeams glared it I the church from the windows, creating a spotlight on the floor where I stood.

I walked slowly, the light somehow following me. God leading my way to his kingdom.

I stopped before the alter, as the Father would. I knelt down before it, my head bowed for the third time. This time I felt a warmth in my head. Others would call it the heat from the sun, but no. I knew this warmth was the hand of God.

I felt a warmth around my waist, I remembered this feeling. I felt it last month, and nearly everyday for the past few years. I remember where I first felt it, after the gun shot. Jack has his arms around me, I can feel them now. I can feel him now. Jack is with me.

I felt a slight warmth on my temple. A kiss. Not from Jack though. I remember that kiss from when I was younger. Mother is here too.

Without even seeing them, I knew I was surrounded by those I loved. Jack and my Mother behind me, Supporting me. God, with his hand still on my head, Blessing me. I reached for my knife, the warmth surrounding me as I made my final move.

My soul took flight as my body fell.

I had joined my family.