Birthdays should be the worst day ever.
That's what every childless mother should know. I for the fact, have proven it more than a decade already.
Why? I think you're not clueless now.
You see, my son was just a little boy who loves to be pampered with cakes and ice creams and a party on his seventh birthday. To my utter grief, I can't afford to give him those.
"Would you be happy if I give you balloons instead of what you want to have on your birthday, Ethan? I'm sorry Mama can't buy you a cake, but I promise next time I'd give you one of the biggest cake on the pastry shop you'd ever see. Would that be fine for you, baby?"
My son is deaf-mute. All I received was a big smile from him and he gestured the words he used to tell me everyday. 'I love you, Mom.'
I swear I've got nothing to wish for in this world because I have him.
Or I must be wrong. I should've wish I really have that money to buy him a cake before an unfortunate event took his precious little life.
I bought him ten balloons to surprise him on his way home from school. That day I wore the most beautiful dress that I have and paired it with a shoes I used everyday at work.
That afternoon I noticed the sun had shined so beautifully, it's like it celebrates too for this special day of my son. I smiled at it as I saw my son walking joyously through the pavement across the school.
Then things just happened so suddenly.
He got excited when he saw his favorite color on the balloons I am holding. Red. That's what I also see everywhere not a minute had passed after a van mercilessly ran over my son's fragile body.
I couldn't do anything but to pick up his body and shed all the tears I will ever have. I know it wouldn't bring him back to me so I will forever grieve.
But the tears should stop now. Last night before my son's eighteenth birthday, he came into my dream for the very first time.
For years I never thought that I could smile again. In my dream, we were the happiest creature in the world. We celebrated the last birthday he's supposed to have and we wouldn't run out of cakes and ice creams!
How I wish this dream would never end. But it has too.
When he gestured that it's time for him to leave, he handed me the balloon I'm supposed to give him on his birthday before.
I promised him this would be the last time that I would cry. For I know now, that he will always be with me.
