Not now

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The beeping of the monitors ring through my ears and I sigh. Even without opening my eyes I know exactly where I am.

A hospital.

Noise surrounds me like a bubble, shouts in code to one another as nurses run down the halls, the hospital burning with life around me. The steady beat of my monitor can barely be heard over the wails that are coming from down the hall, a shrill, loud roar that could be heard on a different floor.

I open my eyes, but quickly close them because the hospital light is too bright and my head feels like it got smashed in with a base ball bat multiple times. I feel something just under my ribs, but can't tell what it is. Even without moving I can feel the IV in my right arm, the cool tingling of the saline being pumped into my veins. I feel a gust of wind blow into the room, probably from the slightly a jar window near by.

The smell of blood, metallic and untouchable fills the air, mixed with hand sanitizer, making my stomach clench. I hate being in this vulnerable state, not being able to move, but not knowing how I got here.

Two voices outside catch my attention over the loud taps, beeps and what not outside. One voice familiar, but relativity low and shaky, not like anything I've ever heard from him before. Another voice, a croak, quiet male voice replies to the youngers question. I tune the world out, peeking through my black eyelashes, trying to open my eyes slowly, one by one letting them adjust to the light.

The door opens, noise pounding into me, making my head violently pound, but as soon as the sound comes it goes with the small tap of the door shutting. Footsteps on both sides of my bed. To the right I can feel something fairly wet grab my hand, squeezing it tightly as he lets out a choked sob.

To my left I feel someone's presence. I feel a warm solid hand on my forehead, sweeping my bangs to the side. The grip on my right hand tightens, causing the blood to cut off, my arm slowly but surely going numb.

"Switch sides with me son." The voice to my left, gentle and wise speaks. He lets my hand go, but only for a split second as he reaches the other side of the bed, reclaiming my left hand in his own.

I feel the blanket on the right go up. A rubbery hand comes to touch the skin just above the object lodged in my side. I feel it move, a dull pain evading my side.

"Will he be okay?" He asks, voice threateningly quiet, ready to give out at any moment.

It's only now that I realize there's something lightly resting against my face, its green band wrapped around the back of my head. An oxygen mask.

Dear god Yoongi was right.

It's much more serious then I thought. Truthfully, knowing who is by my side, I never want to open my eyes. I want to stop breathing. Not because he hurt me, but because of how bad I must be hurting him right now. I don't want to look into his chocolatey brown eyes, broken and dark. I don't want to see his once beautiful face destroyed, torn down into something devastatingly beautiful, his face red with tainted tear trails, glowing in the light.

"He might just be too far along." Is all that the man says, before leaving Hoseok in the room alone, clutching to my side.

I just realized another thing now too. My marks are visible. But why? I yell in my head. How could you do this but like someone else?!

But it's not his fault. That's the only thing I have to remember, it's not his fault.

The first thing I see when I open my eyes is his face buried into my hand, his light brown-orange tainted hair messy on top of his head.

"Hey..." I whisper softly, which only comes out as a muffled sigh. His eyes flicker to mine, glossy and devastated, but that all changes the second he looks at me. He smiles. Bigger and brighter then I've ever seen before from anyone in my life. He wipes his eyes quickly, never letting go of my hand.

"I was so scared Taehyung, so scared..." he says, pressing my hand against his face and leaning into the touch, and if it weren't for the oxygen mask, I would have smiled.

I reach up with my free hand to remove the mask, but he shakes his head, takes it and kisses it lightly.

"Don't, you need it right now" He says with a sad smile. Even though his other smile was genuine, it was a once and a life time thing.

I nod carefully, resting my head back on the pillow. I'm exhausted to the point that just breathing is a struggle, let alone keeping my eyes open and focused. But I do it anyway, for him.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier Taehyung?" He asks, even though he knows I can't answer. He's just talking to keep my focus on him. He's talking because I'm awake now, and doesn't want to leave him again. He's talking because he can. I look at him, eyes opened just enough so that I can see him, but I can't hold them for much longer.

"Yoongi is really worried you know..." he says, absently tracing shapes into my hands and wrists, kissing them lightly.

Yoongi. He knew something like this was going to happen, he just did. He even warned me, but I was to scared to listen. To believe that there was a possibility there was something wrong that my body couldn't fix on it's own.

The rooms silent. Outside though, not so much. I hear a loud voice yell "clear," a loud thud accompanying it, echoing off the hospital walls. This happens a few more times, in the process a nurse opening my door and peaking in quickly to see if I was okay, before hurriedly rushing to the next room, forgetting to shut my door. All the commotion and thuds stop, and the flat line rings out into the hallway. They couldn't save her.

In the next room over was a girl who's parents were sobbing, their voices seeping through the walls, clear and crisp. I heard it earlier, when I was awake just long enough to see the nurses rush me into my room, my doctor following quickly in tow. But as soon as sight had me, the darkness won over that battle, and my vision had went black again.

Now, with my vision not as threatening, I can see them push a white bed past my open door. The white sheet was covering her from the reality that was around her. She was dead. Her parents try to follow, but a female nurse stops them just outside my door, before noticing us in side.

A male nurse quickly orders her to shut my door, fearing that the previous events will cause stress on my body, but it didn't.

I watch Hoseok as he stares at the now closed door, his grip on my hand tighter then before.

"Please don't leave me......" he says, eyes flickering back to mine. I muster up enough energy to nod my head. I have to close my eyes, it's beginning to be too much.

I wish he would let me talk, but every time I reach up to take the mask off he stops my hands with a kiss, my nerves going numb and limp at his touch.

What am I going to do about Jimin and Jungkookie? I can't tell them what really happened... because I truthfully don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. What did he mean when he said I was too far gone?

I reach up to remove the mask, eyes still closed, and this time he lets me. Breathing in the fresh air from outside for the first time since being here, I sigh with a small smile, my lips tingling.

"What.." my voice croaks, and I cough, my side aching now that the medicine they gave me earlier slowly wearing off. I can feel his hands squeeze mine reassuringly, telling me to take my time. I don't open my eyes, don't speak for a few minutes, getting used to breathing a little faster then I had been.

"Don't force yourself" He says as I open my mouth to speak. I shake my head and try again to form words.

"What did..he...mean?" I manage to strangle out, wincing at the pain if my side and lower back.

"Who? The doctor?" He says, confusion seeps through in his tone. I can only nod.

Using the last of my energy I open my eyes to see a tear roll down his cheek. He shakes his head and whispers. "Not now..."

Before my vision goes black again.

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