chaos

i have a BIG PROBLEM :^)

So like

For a few days I've just been thinking about stuff..

And I was looking at how my friends have changed and how my impressions of people have changed and all that.

Well I was thinking about one of my friends and like..

I... have a crush on them..

Okay first of all:

THIS DOES N O T LEAVE THIS BOOK
LIKE.

I CAN TELL Y'ALL BUT I AM IN NO WAY TELLING ANY OF MY IRLS EXCEPT FOR MAYBE MY BEST FRIEND BECAUSE I TRUST HER WITH MY FUCKING SOUL

(AND TO THE IRL THAT MIGHT BE READING THIS, DONT TELL M (I'm sure you can figure out who that is) EITHER!! IM TRUSTING YOU TOO)

I HATE THE FACT I HAVE THIS CRUSH.

THIS KID IS ONE OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS AND I COULD NOT HAVE ANYONE IN MY FRIEND GROUP KNOWING BECAUSE IT WOULD FEEL AWKWARD IF EVEN 1 PERSON KNEW EVEN IF THEY DIDNT MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.

I THOUGHT HE WAS KINDA CUTE WHEN I FIRST MET HIM BUT I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HIM IN T H A T WAY AND I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BUT OOOOP LOOK WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED

I usually do good not paying attention to it but sOMETIMES I CANT IGNORE IT. ESPECIALLY WHEN HE GIVES ME A HUG BECAUSE HNNNSKSKKSD HIS HUGS ARE NIIIIICE WHYYYY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN.

CURSE MY TEENAGE ANGSTY FEELINGSMSND

I SAID I WOULDN'T BE CRUSHING ON ANYONE FOR A WHILE, ESPECIALLY THIS YEAR, AFTER MY LAST CRUSH BUT RTFGGFJJD

LIKE BITCH STOP THINKING "I WANNA HOLD HIS HAND" AND START THINKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE JUST HIS FRIEND AND HE'S IN A HAPPY 3 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH AN AMAZING PERSON WHO BRINGS HIM NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS AND VISE VERSA

If he was single and this was just another big crush I had on my friends, I'd only just screech at the fact I have a crush on my friend and just wait it out or cry at the fact it's not going away, not sure where I stand now but what makes it worse is the fact that it's not just that.

He has a gIRLFRIEND WHO, LIKE I SAID, HE'S BEEN GOING STRONG WITH FOR LIKE 3 YEARS WHO I AM ALSO FRIENDS WITH

A N D

HE ASKED OUT ONE OF MY VERY GOOD FRIENDS BEFORE.
she said no cuz she wasn't ready but she really liked him...
AND LIKE NOW YEARS LATER SHE STILL LIKES HIM AND SHE TOLD ME TODAY SHE WISHED SHE DIDNT SAY NO AND SHE STILL LIKES HIM BUT BECAUSE HE AND HIS GF ARE HAPPY SHE'S HAPPY SO IT'S LIIIIIKE...

I HOPE I GET OVER THIS STUPID CRUSH.

I've had crushes on 2 good friends before...

One of them moved away and I haven't talked to her in a while so that's gone

But I literally jUST GOT OVER A 2 YEAR CRUSH ON ANOTHER GOOD FRIEND

NOW THIS???

FUCKFUCJFMCUFJFKV

PLEASE I HATE THESE EMOTIONSSSSJSJ

THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE ACTUALLY BUT IM ONLY NOW ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT IT'S TRUE AND IS GOING TO END UP HURTING MEEEEEEEE

THANK YOU FOR READING MY FREAK OUT NOW I'M OUT CUZ I GOTTA DO SOME HW SO BYEEEJSJ