GET FREE [jaeyong]

[2]

[TWO]

"It's not true, tell me I've been lied to. Crying isn't like you. What the hell did I do? Never been the type to let someone see right through."

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MINUTES felt like hours. Hours felt like days.

Taeyong felt like he was trapped inside these four walls, not being able to stand up and walk around his room because of wires strapping him down, and he couldn't even use the restroom without the help of the nurse and pulling that monitor along with him all the way down the hall and back.

He felt like he was going insane; he was already threatened with being thrown in a psychiatric ward if he didn't pass the mental health evaluation, but it hadn't mattered to him — he already felt like he was being held against his own will and forced to do things that he rather not. What difference would a mental hospital be? It couldn't be that much different, right?

No, nothing could be worst than this. Everything smelled like windex and the air was so very dry that it literally made Taeyong want to crawl out of his own skin that was cracking — not visibly, but surely was breaking apart.

He was stuck. He wanted to scream — scream at the top of his lungs for help. He wanted to be free from this hospital; he hated it more than anything. He started to despise the staff, and treated them with disregard and apathy. But wasn't this supposed to be help? This was his help? Why did he feel he needed help from the help he was getting?

This didn't feel like help. It felt like being held against his own will in a cell with people staring at him like he was some sort of zoo animal, or flashing him pitiful looks as they walked passed.

Taeyong subtly started to pull an edge of the medical tape off of his arm after messing with it for awhile underneath his blanket, and considered harming himself out of boiling hatred and ennui. His cold fingers so far had only traced the bumpy scars, scabs, and wounds underneath it, trying to fight the urge to dig deeper into his skin. He did, as of now, because he knew his monitor would catch on if he got too ahead of himself too quickly.

Yesterday Jaehyun left after saying what they'd be getting him to eat, but didn't come back to share the meal with him and his family. He and his parents said they had to go to a grad party and apologized deeply several times. Taeyong prodded at his food in disinterest and disgust, his mother urging him, begging him, to eat at least a morsel of tteokbokki or fried rice.

"You're dwindling away," she said, her eyes flooding with tears. "Please dear, you look like you're disappearing."

Taeyong felt horrible, a twisting pain filling his stomach. He took a few bites of rice and some of the other side portions, but couldn't find it within himself to eat anything else; he regretted that and felt so bad, but his parents just seemed happy enough that they got him to eat something.

He also couldn't stop replaying the conversation he had with his parents about Jaehyun and his family.

"They came because they were so worried about you. Just because they're not there all the time doesn't mean that they can't share their condolences and help. I didn't think it would be such a big deal since you and Jaehyun used to be so close."

Condolences? So after all this, after he got out of the hospital and was labeled 'fine', Jaehyun would fade once more into the shadows and go on living his own life again without this? Without him? Just as he thought. He only pitied him. He had no real intention to be friends with him again. Anyway, why would someone want to be friends with someone as disgusting and broken as him?