GET FREE [jaeyong]

[8]

[EIGHT]

"Don't make me sad, don't make me cry. Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why. Keep making me laugh, let's go get high. The road is long, we carry on, try to have fun in the meantime."

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TAEYONG's index finger twitched, and when feeling no friction, it moved again and was met with barren, cold air. He groaned slightly, curling his arm and moving his hand underneath his blanket, goosebumps arising on his skin from the chilly area.

After awhile of twisting and turning, his hand looking for something that was not there, he came to the realization and opened up his eyes to see no one — except for Jaehee sitting at the monitor's desk.

Taeyong sat up, his blanket pooling at the bottom of his waist and a blurry film covering his vision. He rubbed at his eyes, asking instantly, "Where's Jaehyun?"

She continued typing on the keyboard of her computer, but averted her gaze to the patient just for a second before her fingers continued to rapidly type things out. "He left awhile ago. I think he had some morning classes to attend to, or at least, that's what it sounded like," she explained, finally finishing whatever she was doing on the laptop. The nurse gazed back up at the half-asleep boy and flashed a kind smile. "I have some good news for you."

Taeyong peered up at the woman in curiosity, his heart rate accelerating. "What? What is it?" he inquired, not really knowing of anything that would be considered 'good news'.

"Your evaluation is today."

Taeyong felt like he got the wind taken out of his lungs. A part of him felt relieved and happy — he'd finally get out of this place. But then another voice in his head whispered menacingly that he would not be able to deceive the mental health evaluators that he was well enough to go home. He was desperate though, and really didn't want to be here anymore. After days on end staring at the bleak walls, it started to begin to feel like he was in purgatory.

The only times that were the slightest bit brighter was when Jaehyun was here. The only times he found himself wishing to stay in the hospital was when Jaehyun accompanied him. He knew when he got back home, the boy would become another memory that he couldn't continue to relive again.

"R-really?" he stuttered, big eyes blinking at the nurse in shock. She nodded. Taeyong was suddenly eager to hop out of bed and leave as quickly as possible, not wanting to wait for the 'evaluation', whatever that was. He thought of his home — his cozy room, his queen sized bed, his stuffed animals, his laptop, his phone, his own clothes — he just wanted to go home. He didn't realize the extent to which he missed it. He was so trapped, so stripped of his freedom in this place, just his own bedroom seemed like a setting of heaven.

"Now Taeyong, I don't want you to get to ahead of yourself so you don't become disappointed. You're just as likely to stay as you are to leave after the evaluation. If you do stay, you'll be moved to another ward and room without being hooked up to a monitor," his nurse warned him, looking at the teenager in pity.

Taeyong looked down to his fingers in his lap, asking in a desperately hopeful tone, "Do you think they'll let me go home?"

Jaehee sighed, clicking a pen before she stated, "Well, you haven't tried to hurt yourself—" Taeyong internally cringed and felt a huge waft of guilt fog his mind, "—so that's one good thing. But you didn't just try to commit suicide, Taeyong. You clearly have been harming yourself weeks, to months, to even years before, and just that alone can land you in a psychiatric ward. There's no promises or convincing that you'll suddenly stop doing it. I know as well as you do that it's a habit. Habits don't just die away in one day," she spoke sadly, knowing that the boy yearned to go home so badly, and knowing a lot more than he that's probably not going to happen.