I Killed Blank

Chapter IX

Tomorrow's my Big day, and I couldn't wait to be free from this place and be home and see my family, as I was doing my last duty as laundry man, I couldn't wipe my smile off from my face and the others were worried about me and I couldn't blame them cuz I think that they thought that I was going nuts because of tomorrow, and as I wash those dirty sheets, I couldn't help but look back at those times I spent here, the good; the upsetting; the fun; and the hard times, each and every moment hit my head, and especially the day that I did what brought me here in the first place.

A lot of things happened back then, First...I lost my job at the shop I was working at due to health issues because of my weak lungs, and after I healed up I went job-hunting, and one application after another...I got turned down, it was a rough few months, we were living with granny at that time because she had a stroke and needed some company so mom decided that we live with her and that we did, it wasn't much but a home's a home. And second... our financial status was at an all-time low and barely making it, and I forgot to mention that during my college days as a mariner, dad left mom for some other chick and went away with his severance money without leaving a single scent for mom, and there she was a single parent who never gave up on us kids, it was a struggle for her but she never gave up and raised us on her own, that's why dad was never there...he left us and left mom, and what's worse is that he left little johnny to grow-up without a father. Third... granny since granny was living with us, mom also shouldered her expenses and granny was not the way she was back in my youth, she's now grumpy; impatient; and disrespectful, like all our efforts our never enough and always comparing other people's status with our own and always wanting more than she got, it's suffocating.

It was tough back then, I couldn't apply for other jobs out of town cuz I don't have any resources for the expenses, I didn't want to be a burden cuz of the expenses like tuition; medicine; and other bills especially the daily food, most of those times I just go out and take long walks to think and clear my mind, sometimes I just go by the window, the things I did to get a job and make little earnings, luckily there were a few private tutorial sessions but of course it wasn't enough. I tried to pitch-in the best I could, especially with lil' johnny's food money before going to school, some nights I hear mom... just crying in her room, I could only imagine the heavy responsibility she has, I felt so useless, so weak... so pathetic, so painful to feel my mom crying and I couldn't do shit to lighten her load, I was just a bum, all I could do was go inside her room, talk to her and make her laugh, cheer her up and give her a hug, that's all I could do for mom back then, then I told her "It's alright mom...things are gonna be ok", then she said "Thank you franky, thank you", I patted her on the back and cheered her up which she did cuz she started telling lame jokes again, but those lame jokes are the funniest, it wasn't the jokes she told that mattered, what mattered was seeing mom smile while making those lame jokes again, and staying strong for the sake of her kids...for our sakes, I was willing to do anything for mom to lighten her day, it's the least I could do for her for raising us with love and compassion.

Days passed since that night, we managed to get by a day selling some clothes and with a bit from my tutoring, and it seemed like things started to go our way and it was good, but then something happened, every fifteen days mom goes to a very far place to collect some rent money and that was the last thing dad left us, it was a lot of help but that one day mom got home it was bad news... it turns out dad already sold the land and left nothing for us, he hid it all to himself and was hiding from mom and wouldn't even give child support for my little brother, and there it was another challenge for mom, things are hard as it is and now it became worse that pop left with all that could help her get by, things are really looking gloomy all of a sudden but mom did not give up, we were there for her all except granny... she changed all of a sudden ever since things went sour, she got all bossy and barking on orders like nobody's business even at little johnny, she started complaining about things so simple like children having fun at the front of the house... total kill-joy, sure she gets pension but instead of helping mom out, she spends it all on herself ridiculously and medicine that she never needs, we should know because the doctor was mom's friend and she tells us that she never needed them, all she needed was lots of walks to condition her body, but instead she becomes as lazy as a sloth, eat; complain about life; sleep and repeat, she never was contented with what she had, she always compares things with her own and always complains about it, it just annoys me that folks are still unhappy with what they have, but she's our granny it's not like we could just throw her out like yesterday's garbage, she's family, but still the worst thing I hate about her is her attitude toward mom and my siblings.