I know I'm dying. We've been home for a month and it's been lovely, but I can't feel myself slipping away and I think I'm okay with that.
The hardest part is saying goodbye. How do I say goodbye to my baby sisters? My mom and dad? My friends?
How do I say goodbye to Harry?
It's hard and the thought makes me cry, but I can feel my energy slip away and my body aches and is too weak to move. It'd be better for me to die now. It's so hard to say that because I still have so many dreams for myself and I'm young. I'm 23 and I'm going to die from brain cancer, but I can admit that. I know it's going to happen.
Harry is more stubborn. Always telling me miracles happen and I can become a survivor, but the tumours so big and in such an awful place. I've given up on treatment and it's time.
I've experienced heartbreak and love and I have fond memories. I can say I love what I've accomplished even if I didn't accomplish everything I've ever wanted.
I'm at peace.
I look at the clock and read the time. It's 9:47pm and I can feel my eyes starting to slip shut and my mind feels clear. I can feel the peacefulness filling me and I smile. I have everything already stuffed away safe. Letters laid out for the people I love. I hope Harry reads his, though I figure it'll take him awhile. He's going to take this hard.
Everyone's in my room watching a movie and I open my eyes again to see them. Liam and Stan, my sisters and parents and my sexy husband. I smile at them and close my eyes again.
"I love you all," I murmur just loud enough and then I give in. I let my mind shut off and my body relax and I drift away. I drift to a place where my hair is back and my skin is tan and there's no pain or sadness.
And I feel love. Only love and I can't let myself feel guilt for leaving because I'm finally free.
