Our Broken World

Chapter 8

We arrive to town just before dusk starts falling. We head to the town hospital and find it completely deserted. There is medical equipment strewn all over the floor and the cabinets are empty, probably because they were plundered.

Dylan instructs us to wait in a room with a few beds in it, while he and Jonah go to look for the stuff that we need. I'm assuming he takes Jonah with him because he doesn't want him near me and doesn't trust him around me. I'm glad. I don't like Jonah one bit. I know I disregarded the fact that he tried to rape me, but only for Dylan's sake. And the good guys in the group.

It's getting dark outside so our plan is to spend the night in the hospital. We've got beds and water, and that is all we need.

After a short time, Dylan and Jonah come back with everything we need to treat my wound. I feel pretty rested, given that I spent half a day relaxing and enjoying in Dylan's warm embrace. Now that I'm lying on a cold bed and his warmth has left me, it's almost like something's missing. Something important.

Dylan removes the bandages from my wound and says: ''Disinfecting the wound is gonna hurt a little, but it's gonna be over soon.''

I nod and grit my teeth as he brings the antiseptic closer to my leg. How hard can it actually be? Well, it hurts, it does, but I try not to think about it. Instead, I let the smooth movements of Dylan's arm muscles distract me. Trust me, it's really distracting.

When he's finished, he uses a gauze and a few fresh bandages to dress my leg wound and then takes care of my arm, changing the bandages there as well.

''I thought you were a soldier, not a doctor,'' I say, admiring the gentle moves of his arms.

''I am a soldier. But you learn stuff in the army. Tending to wounds is one of them,'' He says and looks into my eyes. I nod. It's all I can do when those mesmerizing eyes stare at me.

''Okay,'' Dylan says and gets up. ''Everyone get some rest. We'll keep going in the morning.''

''Yeah, without me,'' I say to myself quietly.

As though he heard me, TJ says: ''So you're going your own way in the morning?''

''Yep. I have to find my brother,'' I explain, while everyone's listening. I have a feeling they all want to know more about me. I'm not sure I love that.

''So what happened to him?'' adds TJ.

''We were attacked by a gang,'' I half-lie. HE was attacked. My stupid ass wasn't there; it was getting water. But I don't want them to know that. I don't need them looking at me like I'm a failure too, I have enough of my own disappointment.

''How come they only took him and not you?'' asks TJ.

I can feel Dylan's wondering gaze on me, but I can't look at him. I am way too embarrassed to tell them – him – the truth. That I wasn't even there when they took him. That he's gone because of me. That I couldn't stop them from taking him.

I can't even imagine how Dylan would look at me if he knew the truth. How disappointed and angry he would be with me. I couldn't endure seeing that in his eyes.

So I lie again, as if I haven't lied enough: ''I don't know. Maybe they thought I was dead, because I was lying on the floor unconscious.''

I really hope it sounds less horrible than 'I wasn't there, I let them take him, so it's really all my fault.'

''Did they ... did they hurt you?'' says TJ. He probably wants to know if they raped me. That's what happens to girls and women in this grotesque world. 

I can feel the weight of Dylan's gaze on me and the pain in his eyes, anticipating my answer. Even though I'm not looking straight at him, I can see in his eyes that what I say next will change his life forever. He stopped Jonah from hurting me and he would do anything to protect me. He even thinks that by letting me go again, he'll be protecting me. But I know he won't. Because I don't need him to protect me; I can protect myself. I need him to love me. I need him to be with me.

I look at TJ, to get rid of my invasive thoughts about Dylan leaving me, and say: ''No. They didn't hurt anything that won't heal.''

I'm not so sure about that though. If they hurt Mikey, that wound will never heal and I will never be able to forgive myself.

I look at Dylan and see him visibly exhaling and relaxing his tense muscles as I answer TJ's question. The look in his eyes becomes calmer and softer too.

TJ nods in response and says: ''But how do you, you know, know if he's still alive?''

''He is. He has to be. I can't give up hope. If I do that, then all the way I've come so far has been in vain. I just can't give up now,'' I say. I would never give up. Because I know he isn't dead. He can't be. He just can't be.

''I understand,'' TJ says and nods.

He sighs and adds: ''Well, I'd go with you and help you, but ... I follow Ghost.''

I look at Dylan, who's looking at me. There's understanding in his eyes. He understands I can't give up.

''We can't,'' He says firmly, still looking at me.

''Why not? I mean it's not like we've got a mission to complete. But I think we could use one. What do you think boys? Mission Save Taya's brother - how does that sound?''

''Yeah, come on, Ghost. Good old mission, like the olden days in the army,'' says Jonah, but unlike TJ's caring, honest voice, his is full of deceit, annoyance, a whole lot of mockery and maybe even something like challenging.

Dylan slams his hand on the table and says: ''Enough. Nobody's helping Taya. She can save her brother by herself. She's perfectly capable of doing that. We are not going with her.''

Next thing I know, he gets up and walks out of the room. Blast sighs and says: ''I don't get him. Clearly he cares about you, but he won't let us go with you and help you. Ghost is just ... Ghost.''

I nod. He is Ghost. And Dylan. Both running away, too scared to face problems. Too scared to face love.

I soon fall asleep, fully aware of the fact that tomorrow I will have to say goodbye to the man I love, for the second time. If it doesn't break my heart, that would be good.

But before that can happen, I am woken up in the middle of the night by a clattering noise. I look around and see everyone fast asleep on other beds. I hear clattering again. It's coming from the hall.

No one else besides me is awake, so I get up and head out through the door to check out the noise. I grab a surgery knife just in case and slowly open the door.

It's dark, so I can barely see anything. I hear the clattering coming from one of the other rooms, so that's where I head. I know it's probably stupid going there alone. If there is someone there, I can't take them on by myself, especially not now that I'm wounded. I should've woken Dylan up, but it's too late now. I'm too close.

I open the door to another room and enter. The clattering noise is now gone; all I hear is the eerie silence. I slowly walk to the window on the other side of the room and look outside.

The moon is brightening up the streets, but barely, just enough so I can see everything is calm. Nobody and nothing is outside.

Suddenly I feel a cold, wet slap on my temple. It feels as though a big half-chewed wet candy smacks into my head. I quickly spin around and turn into the direction from which it came, but there's nothing there. There's no one there.

I sigh and feel a bit of relief wash over me. Calm down, Taya, I say to myself and close my eyes for a second to collect myself. It was nothing. Probably just some water dripping from the ceiling. 

I turn towards the door to leave and go back to our room, but then I stop dead in my tracks. In front of me I see a small figure. A child.

He steps closer and I can see his face clearly now. It's Mikey. Only he's dead.