Our Broken World

Chapter 23

I push myself away from him a little, to look into his deep oaky eyes.

''What's wrong?'' He says, our faces still so close that I can feel his warm breath on my lips.

''Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect,'' I say, thinking only about us and trying not to think about the fact that Mikey is not here with us.

With a slow, meaningful movement I hold the bottom of my shirt and pull it over my head. As I'm standing there in front of him, in just my bra, exposed, I feel so comfortable, so at ease, as I never have, not since before the world's gone to hell.

He looks down at my naked skin and back up into my eyes again. We don't need words to communicate right now. He doesn't need me to say it. He knows what I'm doing. He knows what I mean.

''Are you sure? Now, here?'' He asks quietly.

I nod and tell him: ''I have never been more sure about anything in my life. I want you. Now, here. I'm ready.''

He smiles lightly, nods slightly and kisses me again, gently, like he's afraid I'll break. But I won't. Maybe I would have in the world before the wars. But now, I'm so strong, so ready, so in love with him, I can't break. I am completely ready for this, my body is, my heart is and my soul is.

I pull away from him again, because I need to say the next words to him before we do it: ''Dylan, I have been waiting for this for so long. For you. Whatever happens after this, I know it'll be okay. Because we'll be together. And I'll have been yours.''

Then I add: ''I'm yours forever.''

His arms squeeze me as he says: ''I know. Because I am not letting you go again. Ever.''

This time I know he means it. I know by the way he says it. I know by the way he touches me. I know by the way he kisses me. His lips taste mine again as he picks me up gently and lovingly. He lays me down on the soft grass, and puts himself on top of me, so he's straddling me. He looks up and around us, probably to make sure no one can see us.

When he makes sure there's no one around to see us or hear us, he starts tracing soft kisses down my collar bone, until he reaches my breasts and then removes my bra with one swift, but gentle movement. He lays slow, velvet kisses across my breasts and then kisses me further down, until he reaches my pants and tugs at them. He pulls them down, so I'm lying naked underneath him. But I don't feel vulnerable or unprotected, I feel the exact opposite. I feel completely safe. 

I'm aching to feel his bare skin on mine, so I grab him, pull him back up and press him to my bare chest. His muscular abs are pressed against my naked breasts and it's the best feeling I've ever felt. And I know even better has yet to come.

He takes off his pants and looks at me again. ''Are you really sure?'' He asks again, like he's worried I'm not ready. He really wants to make sure I am. He knows I've never done this. This will be my first time and he knows it even though I've never said it out loud. He knows I've been waiting for him, saving myself for him. I can see that he knows this will by my first time, and it's going to be his. I'm going to be his, like I've wanted to be for so long. The fact that, even though he badly wants it too, he still wants to make sure I'm really and completely ready, is really sweet. It's one of the reasons I love him.

I smile at him and say: ''I told you. I'm yours. Forever.''

''And I yours,'' He says and kisses me fervently.

He positions himself and with a slow, delicate, caring movement he enters me. When we join, we become one. Our souls unite and become one whole. Our colors are mixed and there's a rainbow within us, above us, all around us.

He moves against me slowly at first and it hurts a little. Then he picks up a little speed, but the pain disappears.

His strong hands roam all over my body, until one settles on my thigh and pulls my leg even closer to him and further up, so I feel him even more, and the other takes my arm and pins it above my head. His lips kiss all over my neck, my cheeks, my lips. I feel him, his whole body, his heart, his soul. I feel all of him, complete, and I feel joy.

I can't believe I'm here, making love to him. The man of my dreams. The love of my life. I never thought I'd see him again, let alone make love to him. I can't believe it's really happening. But it is. I better believe it.

When I feel him against me, on me, inside me, I believe it. He's here, with me and he's never leaving me again. We're together, forever, I'm sure of that now. I believe that. When we reach the explosive climax together, something I've never experienced before, I believe it even more. I believe it so much that a tear escapes my eyes. A happy tear. The happiest this sad world has ever seen.

He rests on me for a moment, panting slightly, then looks at me. When he sees the tear, fear and dread spread across his face. He's afraid he's hurt me.

Before he can speak, I say: ''I'm okay. It's a happy tear. I'm just so ... happy.''

He smiles too and rolls off me, lying next to me. I put my head on his chest, and press my gratified, satisfied body to his, and his arms hug me tightly into a warm embrace.

He sighs, looks at me and says: ''I have no idea how you do it, but ... you bring out the best in me. Whether it's Ghost or Dylan, whether I'm one or the other ... you make me be the best version of myself. You make me love you.''

I look up at him and jokingly say: ''Oh so now you're blaming me? Now it's my fault you love me?''

He chuckles and looks down at me again: ''Not your fault. It's your merit.''

His facial expression turns serious now, as he stares into my eyes. ''You're the reason I'm still here. You're the reason I keep going. I realize now, you don't just bring Dylan out. You make Ghost and Dylan become one person ... the best person they can be. Well, I can be. Thank you for that.''

I close my eyes and nuzzle close to him. ''You're welcome.''

I listen to his heart, beating slowly, but surely, and truly believe he's alive, lying next to me. Everything is almost perfect. Almost ... Mikey isn't here. Mikey.

I sigh as my thoughts escape to the one person I'm aching for right now. I can't just continue lying here in Dylan's safe embrace, while Mikey is out there, suffering alone. So I get up and start putting my clothes on. ''We better get going. We can reach New York soon if we hurry up,'' I say.

Dylan follows my lead, getting up and putting his clothes on. He heads for our temporary camp, where the other are, but I stop him and say: ''Dee ...''

There's fear and sadness in my heart. Darkness. And he can see it in my eyes. He steps close to me and strokes my cheek. He just waits for the words to come.

''What if, when we get to New York, we're too late? If Mikey is ... I couldn't forgive myself. I can't live without you, but ... I can't live without him either,'' I say, my voice barely making it through the whole thing.

Dylan sighs and says: ''I don't know what we'll find when we get there. But I do know I'll be with you the whole time. Right beside you, okay? I believe we'll find Mikey. And I promise you, I will do everything I can to save him. I promise I will do everything in my power to save you both.''

I know what he means. If Mikey is gone, then I will be the one who will need saving. But I'm not even sure I'll want to be saved.

I nod at Dylan's loving response, and kiss and hug him one last time before we head back to the others. In my mind I order Mikey to be alive. I beg him to be okay. In these weak, hard moments, Dylan is my rock. I know he feels it, hugging me strongly, almost like to prevent me from falling, as we walk back to our camp.

Together, we will save Mikey, I say to myself. Together we'll get him back. Together.