Bill Hader Short Stories

Barry and Hank - Gay Play Part 4

Plot: Noho Hank joins Gene Cousineau's acting class for a hobby (and y'know... to get closer to Barry). Gene wants the class to perform a scene from any play or a scene that they wrote themselves. Hank writes a special scene for him and Barry to perform. Sally and Barry get into a little bit of conflict.

Part 4

Hank hears the door open and hears 2 people walk in through the theatre doors. One's footing is much heavier and the other much lighter. It must be Sally and Barry. As if on cue, they sit down in their seats, Sally sitting off to the side 'Where she belongs.' Hank thinks to himself and Barry sits in Hanks column of seats but at the very front. You see, Hank only joined the class to get closer to Barry, not to be called on by the teacher to act out a scene in front of all these people he just met seconds ago. He just didn't have the confidence for it. He had enough confidence to go to the class, to talk to Barry and the others but not enough to perform a scene in front of them, especially one that he's written! He thought himself insane for doing this but he didn't care. As long as he was close to Barry at some point in his day, he was happy.

'Ok, everyone should have written or chose a scene to perform for us, although I don't know who would have written their own, I would hope they were good.' Gene addressed the class. 'Who actually did write their own scene?' The class looked around and saw that 2 hands went up, Nick looked surprised mostly by the fact that the new class member had already written a scene and was brave enough to perform it in front of not only the class, but Gene. One was Hanks and the other was Natalie. 'Natalie! I'm surprised you wrote a scene. Did you write it by yourself or do you have a partner?' he asks 'Actually, I wrote it with Sally! Yeah, we're two really dramatic Californian girls that have-' Gene cuts her off 'I don't care what its about, come up! Perform it, Sally, get up here' Natalie and Sally both go up on stage and perform their scene.

Gene asks who the other person was that also wrote an original scene. Nick grabs Hanks wrist and raises it after a few impatient seconds went by without anyone putting up their hand, but looking at Hank. 'Gene, this is Hank! He was brave enough to write his own scene! If he doesn't have a scene partner, can I do it with-' 'I think I have someone to do it with' Hank says. He looks at Barry, who wasn't paying attention to the class at all and was looking down at his phone. 'You want to do the scene with Barry? Yeah, ok Barry get up here and do the scene with.. I'm sorry what's your name?' Gene asks 'Hank... My names Hank'. Barry's head shot up and whipped around to stare at Hank. Hank gave him a small, slightly scared wave. 'Hank, can I talk to you outside?' Barry asks in a defensive toned voice. Hank nods and follows Barry outside into the foyer. As they walk into the foyer, Barry turns around and whispers at Hank 'What the fuck do you want me to do. I'll do it but-' Hank cuts him off. 'Oh my god, thankyou! You were the only one I wanted to do this with. I don't know anyone else.' 'Ok, sure. Just give me the damned script'

Barry only read the first page before they went back into the classroom. He read the rest on stage as they acted out the scene.